Monday, June 09, 2008

To: God
Re: Headaches

I’m going to blame the splitting headache I have right now for why I’m not thinking straight, all the while knowing that that’s not really the case. Just when I thought that my life couldn’t possibly get any worse too…


Whatever happens, I just hope I’m gone by the time humanity starts starving or wiping each other out with whatever biological bombs or nanotechnology they’re going to come up with. Maybe one day a nuclear bomb will go off and everyone will become sterile so then they won’t have to worry about being careless with sex.


Maybe it is a good thing that humanity are going to wipe themselves out. There are so many things in this world that make me ashamed to be human sometimes, I’d rather everyone died than forcing what they get up to on other worlds too. Earth’s a miserable enough place as it is, without making everywhere else miserable too.


If people die when there’s nothing left for them to experience, why aren’t I dead yet? I’m sure there’s nothing left for me here. If I was to die right now, at a stretch I think Damien would be the only one to notice, and even then I’m not sure he’d care. It would be like Eleanor Rigby where nobody came to her funeral.


Heh, after last night I’m pretty sure I’ve established that Damien still has an interest in me. It’s a bit late now for Gabriel to tell me that it would be a good idea to stay away from him. I did go out and get drunk last night. Not drunk enough to have spent today feeling physically terrible, but I’ve been mentally terrible. Physically, it looks like I’ve been lucky enough to get away with just a headache (not that good luck and me are concepts that generally belong together in the same sentence). Anyway, despite the drink, I still managed to hold onto enough common sense to realise that I really shouldn’t be out on my own at one in the morning. Unfortunately, I didn’t have enough common sense at the time to stop myself when I decided that if Damien wanted to talk to me that much, he could come and do it in person. It’s not like there was anyone else I could have phoned, and I knew Damien wouldn’t be in bed. Anyway, he came, and when he put his arm around me, I didn’t have enough willpower to shrug it off. I don’t really want to talk about the rest of what happened, but I’ll just say it involved his lips, my lips and things I’d promised myself I was never going to do to him or let him do to me again. The worst part is, I’m not entirely sure it was him who started it, and I can’t convince myself that it was just the drink either. It must have been about four o’clock by the time I got home.


-Poppy


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