Re: Changes
I suppose I am lucky in that sense. When I think back, if it wasn’t for that night with Damien, things wouldn’t have happened and I would never have met Jack. We met up again today and just hung around. It’s nice to have someone to talk to again. I can even talk to him about things that I would never have talked to Damien about, and I’ve only known him for a few days. I’ve spent so much time alone these past few months I was beginning to forget what my voice sounded like outside of singing in the shower when my dad’s out of the house (I wouldn’t sing unless I knew there was nobody else there to hear, even though my singing voice isn’t that bad).
I think in some ways I envy Jack. I’m not really a Christian any more (not properly, anyway), but that choice has kind of been taken away from me with things that have happened to me. I do wish I could still call myself a Christian and really mean it. I’m still hanging onto my Christianity, but I’m not really sure why. I still go to church most weeks, but I don’t know why because it doesn’t do anything for me any more. I went with Jack yesterday and I remembered how it felt to be able to listen to a sermon with complete belief in what was being said.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell Jack about the type of stuff that goes in and out of my email account. Even if he is a Christian, I don’t think he’d believe me anyway. Either that or he’d have me committed.
I tend to follow the Ten Commandments naturally, since I’ve been doing it my whole life. I’m used to it. There’s only a few I really have to put effort into.
I’ve never broken the first three commandments. As for the fourth, I never really do anything on any day of the week anyway, Sunday or not, so that’s not difficult for me. I’m just glad I wasn’t born a Jew though. Some of them won’t even do anything that involves electricity because it’s ‘work’. There’s no way I’d be able to stick to that.
The fifth commandment, like I said, I ignore my dad, and that’s about all the honour I can manage. I hate what he does, but as long as it doesn’t purposely affect me, I’ll keep out of his life like he keeps out of mine. I like to pretend that it’s magic fairies who leave me money every Thursday to go and do food shopping. I wish the fairies would do the shopping for me though.
I’ve never broken the sixth, seventh or eighth, and I’m an honest person, so I’d never break the ninth.
The tenth commandment is out of the window for me. I try not to, but I envy a lot of people. It seems like everyone has a better life than me. Jack doesn’t have that much more going for him than I do, and I envy him because still manages to be happy with it.
I hate Father’s day and days like it anyway. It’s just a way to get people to spend money, like how the prices of roses skyrocket for two weeks in February. Dad hasn’t said anything to me about yesterday, but he never talks to me anyway, so I don’t know if he noticed.
Mother’s day is the worst day of the year for me. It always makes me cry.
Gabriel, I’m sure you probably know more than I do about the attachment involved in families than I do. My dad could disappear off the face of the Earth and it wouldn’t bother me. I do wonder what it would be like to have brothers and sisters sometimes though. Jack gets along so well with his mum and sister. It must be great to have people there for you when you get home. It’s the opposite when I’m at home, since that’s when I’m most on my own.
If I was that kind of person, I’d upload the photo from my phone onto Damien’s Facebook page, but I’ve decided I’m just going to try to forget about Damien now. He hasn’t texted me at all since Thursday. Let’s hope it stays that way for a while.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to show Jack the photo either. I wouldn’t want to show him the scum I fell for once.
-Poppy
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