Re: Events
I find it hard to see what the solution is for the situation with Damien. I’m sure that what Gabriel’s done isn’t the solution either, but I suppose it’s a bit late for that, just like it’s too late to stop me from getting drunk that night. You say I have to deal with the way I feel about it, but all this has achieved is make me remember how much I really miss having Damien around.
Maybe in the end everyone will have had an even set of positive and negative experiences, but that’s the collective. I know right now in my life, there’s not an even balance between the two. It’s not even close. It wouldn’t surprise me if you were missing a big load of negative experiences off your checklist and you put me here to fulfil some of them for you. It seems that in the end, everyone else is going to benefit from my terrible life. Forgive me for sounding selfish, but…
There’s not much I can learn from the things that have happened to me in my life. They’re mostly things other people have done. I’ve learnt that cars can kill people, drinking is bad, especially if you’re going to drive, and that a lot of people are terrible and evil people who don’t think of anyone but themselves. I wouldn’t want to be like that, but I just feel like I’m the exception to a lot of rules.
I don’t think I’m ready for college yet. It’s not that I don’t want to go, because I used to aspire to things back when I believed I had a real future, but with my life the way it is, I don’t think I could bear it at the moment. My life’s bad enough, without throwing in college and coursework and exams into the mix. I’m already spending half of my life depressed at the moment. I don’t need to spend the other half being stressed. Maybe next year, when I’m more ready for it, and I can avoid Damien because he’ll be in the year above me. Perhaps by then everything between me and him will have blown over and things won’t be as bad.
From what I know of Michelle, she has to be the most unfit mother in the world. I feel sorry for the baby. I don’t think Michelle can provide any kind of stability, whether she’s single or not. If Michelle ends up as a single parent, the baby’s going to grow up to be just as mental as she is. Damien might not have any morals, but at least he doesn’t have a screw loose.
Is my life turning into some kind of angel soap opera? How many people are following this? Well, I don’t want to disappoint anyone, so…
You’ll probably all remember yesterday after I sent my message that I said I was going to the library. The library is about 25 minutes’ walk from my house, which I realise now was just enough time for Michael to read my email and find out where I was to. I didn’t realise it at the time, but me meeting Michael was all part of Gabriel’s plan to keep me occupied so I couldn’t do anything that would hinder her plans with Damien. It looks like I was the only person who wasn’t in on it too. I’m getting ahead of myself now.
I got to the library and Michael was there waiting for me when I got inside. I wasn’t really in the best mood at the time and he knew that, so after he introduced himself he gave me the best hug I’ve had in a long time. It made me realise that I’ve been wrong about myself. I don’t miss Damien half as much as I think I do, I just miss having someone to hug me and things like that. It’s probably screwed up my relationship radar (like Damien hasn’t!) because I’ll never be able to find a boyfriend who can give hugs even half as good as Michael can.
Well, the whole point of me going to the library was to take my mind off of Damien and what may or may not have been happening to him, and since Michael had been sent to distract me from that as well, we spent well over an hour in the library looking at different books and picking out ones that looked like they were worth reading. Michael picked out a few books for me, and the one I’m reading at the moment is turning out to be one of the best books I’ve ever read. I’ll have to remember to get Gabriel to thank him when she comes back. Well, time was getting on, and since I hadn’t had any lunch I was beginning to get hungry, so about quarter to two we decided it was time to get going. Well, I decided it was time to get going, but I could tell that Michael was reluctant to leave the library, which I realise now was because he would have to think of more things to do that would keep me occupied and distracted long enough for Gabriel to finish her business.
Michael asked me where I wanted to go for lunch. There’s a café on the other side of town that does the best food I’ve ever tasted, which is about another 20 minutes’ walk from the library, but I could tell from his body language that Michael was reluctant for us to go there, because I realise now that it’s only about a minute away from where Damien would have been if Gabriel hadn’t caught up with him. Still, I hadn’t gotten suspicious of Michael being there yet, and if he had said anything I would have been suspicious then and realised what he was doing, so he couldn’t stop me and him from going to the café.
The weather was so sunny, we were pretty hot by the time we got to the café, and I wasn’t really in the mood for hot food by the time we got there. He’d obviously read the conversation I’d had with Camael a while ago, so he bought us both strawberry ice creams, but when I said I wanted to sit outside and eat it, he was reluctant again, probably because we were so close to where Damien would have been, if he had walked past I wouldn’t have been able to miss him. That was when I twigged onto the fact that he was trying to distract me. I didn’t say anything at first, but I did make him come sit outside with me. I waited until he stopped talking about things to distract me, then I decided to drop into the conversation: “So, what’s Gabriel got planned?”. I could tell from his face then that he knew he’d failed his job in keeping me distracted and just stopped trying.
He still didn’t want to tell me what Gabriel was doing, so he turned the conversation onto me, asking me why I would care what Gabriel was doing to Damien (I did pick up on the fact that he used the present tense rather than future tense), and I didn’t really have a proper answer for that at first. It took me a moment to put it into words. If there was a chance that what Gabriel was doing to Damien was going to keep him away from me and teach him a lesson, then it could only be a good thing, but at the same time, you can’t help but feel sorry for anyone who Gabriel decides to take revenge on, even when it’s Damien. Being the angel of compassion, he really understood where I was coming from with that. He told me not to worry about it too much because being Gabriel’s boyfriend meant that she had picked up a certain amount of his compassion, and Gabriel wouldn’t do anything that Damien didn’t deserve. That did worry me a bit again, the fact that Gabriel wouldn’t do anything he didn’t deserve because I know she hates him as much as I know I should. At that point I did really want to phone Damien and warn him, but I knew it was probably already too late, I’d probably regret it later, and I didn’t need to give Damien another reason to think I still liked him, so it didn’t take much persuasion for Michael to convince me not to.
Once we’d finished our ice creams, we just sat there for a bit talking about different things. Thinking about Damien had put me in a bad mood again, so Michael got me to talk about it. Gabriel was 100% right about that infuriating compassionate smile of his. I didn’t really want to talk about it, so Michael just smiled that smile at me and told me if I didn’t want to I didn’t have to and he respected my decision. Once he said that, it worked like reverse psychology and I wanted to talk about it, just because of him. I did feel better afterwards. I write it enough here, but it felt good to be able to say it out loud to someone. He just sat there and listened to what I had to say without saying anything back. It felt good to be able to unload my problems onto someone. I didn’t feel as bad about myself after that.
We sat there until about 5 o’clock, just talking. I really enjoyed having him around. Having people other than Damien to hang around with is something I haven’t had since primary school, so I’m really going to miss it now, whereas before I didn’t know what I was missing, so didn’t miss it.
Well, after that we decided it was about time we got moving, but I didn’t really want to go home because I was enjoying spending time with Michael, so he asked me where else I wanted to go. I didn’t really know – me not having friends throughout secondary school had keyed me out of the type of fun places in my area to go, although Michael’s company on its own was enough to keep me happy. We decided to just walk in the general direction of home, but at the same time if we got there and I didn’t want to go home, we could just go somewhere else. Since we were 45 minutes’ worth of walking away from my house, I was a bit tired by the time we actually got to my house thanks to the sleep I lost on Sunday night that I haven’t caught up on yet, but I didn’t want Michael to go, so he came inside with me (Dad brings home enough girlfriends not to complain if I bring a guy home with me, but he wasn’t home anyway).
We went up to my room and I just lay down on the bed for a while Michael sat in my chair not saying anything, but even with my eyes closed I could tell he was smiling that smile of his. I fell asleep for about an hour, I think, but Michael was still there when I woke up again with that smile.
I was actually woken by my phone going off in my pocket. I had a text, and only my dad and Damien have my number, and I don’t think my dad has ever texted me, so I knew it had to be Damien. I didn’t want to look, afraid of what it might say, but Michael laughed, probably already knowing what it would be, and told me I should open it. It turned out that Gabriel had taken a photo of Damien now that she was done with him on Damien’s phone and decided to send it to me. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry at the photo. Part of me wants to delete it so that I never have to look at it ever again, but despite that, there’s another part of me inside that wants to keep it to laugh at in the future. I haven’t deleted it yet, but I’m not sure I want to look at it again. I can only imagine what Gabriel did to Damien. I’m not sure I want to know, but I know she’ll be just dying to tell me. You’ll have to get her side of the story from her.
Not too long after that, Gabriel turned up at my house to find us. She couldn’t stop giggling, which makes me wonder even more what she did to him. I’m glad she didn’t give me all the details then of what she did, but I’m sure they’ll be coming my way sooner or later.
Well, knowing Gabriel, she wasn’t going to let me lie in bed, so me, her and Michael went out to the club where I first met them. I was worried at first because Damien goes there all the time, but Gabriel assured me that after what she had done, Damien wouldn’t be in any condition to be going out anywhere. We had a really good time (and I didn’t even have to get drunk). I got home at about half one in the morning.
-Poppy
No comments:
Post a Comment