Saturday, May 31, 2008

To: God
Re: Ferraris and Choices

Even if you had replied sooner, I don’t think I would have been able to write back sooner anyway. I’ve spent most of this week ill in bed and have only just got over it. I’m still not feeling 100%, but I think the worst of it is over now.

I have no idea how computers work. I know enough to do the things I need to like go on the internet and put songs on my iPod (not that I ever go anywhere to listen to it any more), but all the hardware stuff confuses me. I’ll just nod and pretend I know what you’re talking about.

Thinking about people who have died is a problem, for me, anyway. My mum dying has completely messed up my life.

While I’ve been ill this week, I’ve watched an unbelievable amount of videos and DVDs. Reading is too tiring when you’re ill and I’ve run out of books to read. Anyway, one of the films I watched was Ferris Beuller’s Day Off, because it always manages to cheer me up (in fact, it’s probably a testament to how good it is that with my life the way it is AND me being ill, it still doesn’t fail to make me laugh). Ferris, Sloane and Cameron steal Cameron’s dad’s prized Ferrari, go around doing different things, then bring the car back home. Cameron kicks the front of the Ferrari in, then makes a big speech about how he’s going to change, become the master of his own fate and take a stand against the events that unfold to determine the course of his life. It really is a fantastic speech. It’s really inspirational. It’s quite similar to what you’ve been telling me to do actually. The film ends happily after that, with Cameron going to change his life. Of course, it’s so easy to forget after that that there’s still a smashed up Ferrari sitting there and Cameron’s life won’t be worth living once his dad comes home and finds out what he’s done. It’s the same with me. I’ve told myself so many times that I’m going to put the past behind me and just get on with my life, but the past makes the present what it is, so how can I just ignore it? I can’t ignore my mum’s death any more than Cameron can ignore the smashed up Ferrari. It might be in the past, but it completely messes up the present and the foreseeable future too.

I still can’t see that lying is wrong all the time. Okay, a lot of the time it is, but not always. There are some things that some people just don’t need to know, especially when there’s nothing they can do about it. I think part of the problem with lying is that people don’t always work on that principle, the do it do benefit themselves to avoid bad things that might come out of the truth. I must admit I do it myself sometimes. There is a difference though between the white lies I might occasionally tell when the truth just isn’t worth it and the elaborate strings of lies Damien used to tell me (that I can’t believe I didn’t see through) to explain what he was doing when he was actually spending time with his other two girlfriends. I think some lies have consequences and others don’t, and I don’t really have any problem with the lies that don’t. There’s no harm done in telling my dad I’m going to the library, but on the other hand, the truth is that I don’t know where I’m going and I just need to get out of the house because I can’t stand to be around him.

I can see your point about philosophy being taught in schools, but even if it does become the case with technology advancing that far, it still won’t prepare people for the world the same way that English or Maths does. As much as I used to hate Maths in school, if it was a choice between a GCSE in maths or philosophy, I’d have to take maths because I can see the benefits of it more. I still think philosophy is a good idea though. I think the problem with a lot of people is that they don’t think properly about religious things like whether or not you exist. In America, everyone believes in you without really thinking about it. In England, it’s different. For my generation, I think Christianity was drummed into kids in primary school too much and reverse psychology kicks in and they all turn atheist. It’s different now though. These days everything in the UK has to be so PC they’re not allowed to talk about God in school now, so everyone ends up atheist anyway because kids just get the impression that God isn’t something they can openly talk about. People are never really encouraged to think or talk about it. I think philosophy is a good idea, but if you teach it in school then people will end up turning atheist as a reaction against that, rather than being atheist because they’ve thought it through and that’s the conclusion that they’ve come to. I have no problem with atheists like. What I have a problem with is atheists who haven’t thought through their opinion (because it’s not a proper belief if you don’t have some kind of evidence, even if it’s only personal) as an atheist, then have a go at me for being Christian when I have thought through what I believe in. I do think philosophy is a good idea, but if you force it onto people in school then they won’t really come to their own conclusions about things. Maybe school isn’t the best place for it.

If you love every soul unconditionally, surely it would be in everyone’s best interests, yours included, if you stopped not helping (I don’t think interfering is the right word for it) and did something? If you love everyone, you must want them to have the best life they can possibly have. I’m know you have infinitely more power than I do, you just choose not to use it. You created the universe, whereas it’s all I can do to get out of bed in the morning. It’s not hard to figure out which of those two people are more powerful.

I have enough trouble deciding what to wear most days without you telling me that my shoes can start a war. Actually, that’s a lie. I used to spend ages in the morning deciding what to war, but since me and Damien split, I don’t try so hard any more. I’m not going anywhere, nobody comes to visit me and I avoid Dad as much as possible, not that he would notice anyway, so what’s the point?

I don’t think Damien would ever give me an honest answer, but even if he did I don’t know what he would say. We never argued about anything, so him cheating on me wasn’t a reaction to anything bad like that. We hadn’t been apart for a long time (we never went more than a few hours without seeing each other), so its not like he did it because he missed being close to someone. I can’t think of anything I ever did to make him want someone else, and I like to think that if he had just stopped loving me he would have told me and we could have ended it peacefully. Even if he had told me he had fallen in love with someone else, I know feelings can be complicated, and I’m pretty sure I would have been understanding and mature enough to let him go if that’s what he really wanted. He had two girlfriends besides me, so it doesn’t even make sense that his body got the better of him and he just wanted sex. I told him I wouldn’t have sex with him before we were married, but if sex was all he really wanted, he could have just had a one night stand with anyone. He didn’t need two other girlfriends for that. I just can’t see any rational explanation for it, which is why it upsets me.

Like lying not always being wrong, I can’t believe that there are some things which can ever not be wrong under any circumstances, like murder. Even if people choose what they’re attached to, different people are attached to different things, and it can’t be right to make that decision for someone else. I’m not particularly attached to my life, but is still don’t want to be murdered. Anything that takes that choice away from anyone has to be wrong.

Anyway, even if there is nothing inherently wrong, it doesn’t change the fact that every society has rules of right and wrong, even if it differs from place to place. Here and now, the rule is that it’s wrong for guys to cheat on their girlfriends, but Damien deliberately chose to ignore that and do it anyway. Twice.

Even after everything that’s happened though, I still miss Damien. I just wish I could figure out whether it’s actually him I miss, or just having someone there for me.

I’m glad to hear Gabriel’s back. I hope she’s okay.


To: Poppy
Re: Delays, Choices and the Future

Well, firstly let me apologise for the delay. A certain angel came back from her holiday and managed to spill a very powerful hallucinogenic and somewhat sticky drink over herself and get in into the main server. It started a big fire and the angels have been trying to get the right hardware to fix the broken bits off Microsoft, and it took a while. They didn't include the right drivers...

Still, a few threats and such later and it was all sorted out. Just goes to show that if you want hardware delivered fast with the right drivers, choose someone other than Microsoft.

Now, thinking about those who have died isn't a problem. It becomes one when humans allow it to affect them inside. I can only repeat what I have said many times. You can control your feelings, because they're nothing more powerful than you. They are part of you, and therefore can be subjugated if you so choose.

Changing the next generation, or the ones after that might not happen, and it makes no actual difference to me. Still, given where you say you want to go, you might be well served thinking about these things. Actually what you've said is somewhat wrong, I have less 'power' to change the world than you do. I have committed myself to not directly interfering with what will be, and what you do will therefore have a far greater impact. There's a saying, "a butterfly beating its wings in one country can cause a typhoon in another". This is completely true. Every event ripples outwards, causing minor changes at first, and making possible greater changes later on. In this way, the colour of the shoes you choose to wear tomorrow could begin or end a war.

Working for material goods isn't a bad thing. When you get a job (in theory) the hours, pay, holiday time, etc are clearly laid out and a contract is signed. Children do not need to be manipulated to learn this lesson, because it will be perfectly obvious when they are old enough to work. For all humans a lesson is needed, that if you lie to your children, (albeit to protect their innocence or save their feelings) your children will end up lying to you, likely for the same reasons as you to them.

The day will come when philosophy will have a tangible benefit to the world. If people do not make use of this, their technology will (as it is now) advance faster than their minds will. Eventually, a 'critical mass' will be reached. Technology will become powerful enough for a madman or fool to destroy the world from his living room.

You don't have to start a new intimate relationship, it is not essential to human well being to be in one. Still, that doesn't mean you can't make some new friends. Get out there and meet people, find a new hobby you can share with someone. Just make some kind of genuine connection, and the loneliness will begin to dissipate.

If you were to ask Damien why he cheated on you, and he was to answer honestly, what do you think he'd say? It is of course, something many partners go through, so try to think on a more general level when you answer that.

Things happen for one reason, they have to happen to make the experience possible. To have a 'better time of it', you just need to change what's important to you. There are always other hobbies, new things to be explored. A lot of them can even be done with other people.

Damien deserves a happy ending because he's done nothing inherently wrong. Just like Stalin. I say this, because there IS nothing inherently wrong. Human beings choose what they care about, their moral values and beliefs. None of it is gospel.

-----Original Message-----

From: Complaints Department [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]

Sent: 24 April 2008 23:36

To: God

Subject: FW: Why things are the way they are

Hey hey! Woo! I'm t=bold I may still be slkuighty druky

SOoooooo this is the latest one, hey that 'o' keys sticky pid you throw that? i dunno why that is.

Ha, that girl, you know the flower, and sadomatic, they're com... com.... compet, uh, fighting to see who's sadder. oh wow i have no idea whats goin on.

i guess she says something about a churchschool, or maybe a schoolchurch, on sunday, which sounds a bit silly to me. Ha, sunday, get it? its a day, an ice cream... oh wow i want an ice cream right now. i would take away the burning feeling on my foot, or whatever that things called.

hey whats that limb called thats on fire sometimes?

i cant even remember it being on fire before. i think i might just need a nap. and my drink, and an ice cream for the fire. damn it wheres my drink?

hey... maybe if i asked someone out loud instead of typing it all here, especially since the montor thing, you know the tv, is all black. damn boring films. wow, i must have lost a lot of weight in blood today. am i supposed to be giving blood right now? why's everything gone all blurry, damn tv...

Love, light and medical experiments,


Signature - There'll be time for explanations later. And hopefully, some sex!

Additional :

The above message was stored in a drafts folder as Gabriel typed her part while very drunk and on fire, which was really her own fault since she started the fire by pouring her drink over her foot, and then shoved her foot into the server via the PSU.

She has been taken to hospital, and the server is off limits for now.



Saturday, May 24, 2008

To: God
Re: Why things are the way they are

It might not interfere with my life that much, but it interferes with me. Almost every time I cross a road, I think of Mum. I don’t do it consciously, but it happens, and it upsets me sometimes, especially if I’m already in a bad mood, which I am more often than not these days.

You don’t have to tell me that humanity could be a lot better than it is. I know that. Changing the way the next generation is brought up isn’t going to happen though. Maybe you’ve managed to convince me to bring up my kids differently if I ever have kids, but that’s just me. If you refuse to intervene and change something in the world, then you can’t complain about the way people bring up their kids. I don’t have the power to change the world, but you do.

Maybe the law is enough to stop people from doing big things like murdering and stealing and things, but what about little things? Like the working for material goods thing. I’m sure that 99% of the world would stop working if nobody was going to get paid for it. Then where does that leave the world? Half of the world would starve within a week because they wouldn’t have any money to buy food. Then everyone would start working for food, and we’d be right back where we started. It’s never going to end.

Schools are never going to change either, not while people have to work to survive. Schools aren’t intended to teach you about the world, they’re intended to get you ready to work one day. Philosophy has no tangible benefit to the world, and that’s why it’s never going to be taught in school.

Maybe it is a risk people have to take if they want a relationship, but I just can’t stand to do something that might end up getting me hurt in the end. I’ve been through that once, and I can’t bear to go through getting hurt again. I know I’m so lonely, but I can’t convince myself it’s worth the risk at the moment.

If I knew what motivated Damien to do what he did, I might have been able to stop it. I’m sure you must know why he did it better than I do. I can’t understand why he did it. He always seems to be falling out with Michelle and I never hear anything at all about his other girlfriend, so she can’t be that great. Me and him used to get along so well. We never argued at all. If we’d fallen out over something and he found comfort with Michelle, maybe I could understand it, but it was just so out of the blue. That’s part of what annoyed me so much about it, that I just couldn’t see the reason.

I used to be able to believe that bad things that happened were necessary and had a purpose, but what purpose do they have now? They’re not some kind of test to see whether I should go to Heaven or Hell, since Hell doesn’t exist. It seems now that things happen just to deliberately upset me.

I used to go to church and meet people, but that doesn’t happen every week now like it used to. Other than that, my only hobby now is reading, and that’s not the type of thing you can do with other people.

I don’t expect I’ll be going to church tomorrow. I’ve got into the habit now of not setting my alarm clock on a Sunday morning. If I’m awake, I’ll go. If I’m not, then I won’t go. It’s half eleven now. I highly doubt I’ll be awake in time. A while ago, I would have had to have been on the brink of death to not go to church. Now I’m happy to sleep right through it at home. I won’t go if it’s raining either. The thing that irritates me the most about it is how it doesn’t even bother me. I feel bad about not going to Mum’s grave every week, but missing church doesn’t bother me at all.

It doesn’t help me with all of this happy ending stuff. How can you say that Damien deserves a happy ending after the suffering he’s put me through?

Camael, don’t say there’s nothing about you to love. There’s something about everyone to love. You shouldn’t have to change who you are.

How do you expect anyone to fall in love with you though if you just act like this all the time? I’ve been talking to you for almost two weeks now, and in that time I’ve learnt nothing about you other than the fact that you like to complain about your life when there’s really nothing to complain about. Okay, so you’ve never had a boyfriend. Look at me. My mum was killed when I was nine, the guy who killed her never got convicted, my boyfriend cheated on me with two other girls and got one of them pregnant, I can’t remember the last time I spoke to my dad and I have no friends whatsoever. Do you know what I would do to be in your position?

Like when you say nobody likes you for being you, they just try to cheer you up. How can they like you for being you if you never show anyone what you’re really like? There’s more to you than just being depressed? Like I said, I’ve been speaking to you for two weeks, and I know nothing about you. What kind of basis is that to form any kind of relationship with anyone?

You complain when people like me try to help you, you complain when people like Michael don’t. Why can’t you make up your mind?

You’re not doing yourself any favours.


To: Poppy
Re: Fear and Forgiveness

Getting over fears like that takes confronting them and practice. But something like this doesn't really interfere with your life and thus probably isn't worth the effort.

That is how your world works, but look around. Your race certainly hasn't reached its potential. It could certainly be a lot better than it is. The way to go about this is to change the way the next generation is brought up, and by doing so, the generations to come after them. You do have something to keep people from doing exactly what they want, your police forces and the threat of prison. That level of fear is enough... There's no need to manipulate children as well. Of course, crime might well drop dramatically if you could eliminate its causes, rather than trying to contain the result. It might also drop if you eliminated some of the silly laws your society makes up.

Schools are another thing that could certainly be improved, especially in the areas of critical thinking, logic and philosophy. A lot of children grow up with no real idea how to do these things, and end up not doing it when it's clearly greatly needed.

Of course, you can't usually tell what people are like when you first meet them, you can figure out a certain amount by the way they look, the way they interact with others, what they're wearing, etc... Still, appearances are deceiving because people assume too much. The only way you can discover what someone is like is by getting to know them, and watching carefully. It's a risk all humans have to take if they want any kind of relationship with anyone.

One might ask at this point, why did Damien do the things he did? What motivated him to do so?

Souls existed with other life forms before humans, some on your own planet, many elsewhere. Even inanimate things like rocks occasionally, but that gets old pretty quickly.

It is often easier to say than do. But physical events do not have to affect you personally if you choose not to let them. Just understanding that they are necessary and serve a purpose is enough for some people to ignore them completely. You need not be sat home alone every day if you don't want that. Go out and chat to someone, make some new friends. It isn't especially difficult. You must have hobbies, are there are enough clubs and social activities out there to cater to virtually anything.

You are mistaken in believing there are people that don't deserve a happy ending. If they did not, they would not get one, and I would not have created them in the first place. Of course, physical experiences are what they are, and all of them, however terrible will come to an end.

-----Original Message-----

From: Complaints Department [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]

Sent: 23 May 2008 11:49

To: God

Subject: FW: Growing up and being attached

Well, because nobody's ever going to love me. Not as I am anyway...

And why should they, there's nothing to love really. I can't help but act like who I am, even humans can change their own thought processes. Angel's just can't do that unless we're in love, and that's not going to happen for me...

Well, it takes about 4 days in Earth time to get used to being alive and usually we experiment by creating simple creatures that have a lifespan of only a few hours to live in, so if we can't leave them by our own will they'll die and we'll be released anyway. Just a matter of practice really.

Yeah those angels really exist, but there are much nicer ones too. The problem is (taking Michael as an example), his compassion basically involves leaving me to do what I want rather than actually trying to help...

I picked out examples that served the purpose yes... I couldn't have really said there are worse than Raphael and quoted nice ones at you now could I? The problem is nobody likes me for me, they try to cheer me up and make me happy, or try to make me feel satisfied by getting me to accomplish something. Then they puke on me which doesn't make it any better.

I have met a considerable number of angels. Usually they see me as a sort of challenge, like in the try to make Camael smile game. The young ones especially like that. Every human I've spoken too at Beachy Head so far I see on the news soon after, having thrown themselves off the cliff.

Love and light are things that affect other people,


Signature - I'm not always this depressed... Except when I feel, think or do anything really...

Friday, May 23, 2008

To: God
Re: Growing up and being attached

When I cross the road, it’s not something I think about consciously. It just happens. I do think about it sometimes and tell myself not to be scared, but I just can’t help it. I can’t bring myself to cross the road until I know there’s zero possibility that the cars on the road are going to do anything else but sit there.

It’s funny what you said about Santa, because that’s exactly the way the world works, people denying themselves what they really want in exchange for material goods. Nobody really wants to go out to work, everyone has to be good and do it because if they didn’t they wouldn’t get paid and they wouldn’t survive. Can you imagine what kind of chaos the world would be in if everyone did exactly what they wanted? I know a lot of people do that a lot of the time already, so it would be a million times worse than it already is. If that’s what Santa teaches children, that’s one of the best lessons they can learn if they’re going to grow up. Not that I like the way the world is, but it is that way, and the world would just stop if there wasn’t something stopping people doing exactly what they wanted.

In some ways, I’m happy a lot of adults don’t see their kids as potential adults. There’s too much pressure on kids to grow up these days. I was pushed into being an adult more or less right after Mum died, having to look after myself a lot of the time because Dad wasn’t going to. It’s stupid what kids go through in schools as well, having to do exams for their SATs when they’re seven years old. When you’re seven, you can’t even appreciate why you have to do these exams. It’s just pressure you don’t need when you’re that young. If anything, kids need to grow up slower, not quicker.

Meeting new people wouldn’t be easy, even if I had somewhere to go to meet people. Anyway, how can you tell what people are really like? I was with Damien for two years before I found out he was the type of person to have three girlfriends and keep them all secret from each other. Even if someone I meet seems nice, how do you know they’re really like that? I don’t think I’d be able to cope if someone else did that to me again.

If we did all evolve, what did all the souls do up until the point when humans evolved? If you created the world so you could experience things, why weren’t humans in the world from the beginning so you could experience things? What did you do for the millions of years before humans arrived on the scene?

It’s very easy for you to tell me to not get attached to events, but how can I not when they affect me so much? Not just in a mental sense, but the way they change my life. If I really tried, maybe I could just forget about Damien and not let what he’s done upset me, but after that, I’m sat here at home alone every day because of it, and it’s his fault. My life for the past two years wasn’t that bad, but now he’s completely destroyed that. How can I just ignore that fact?

Don’t remind me how everyone’s going to have a happy ending in the end. There are some people who just don’t deserve a happy ending.

Camael, if you say it just happens randomly, how do you know that your chance just hasn’t come up yet? It could happen tomorrow. It could happen the day after that. It could happen any time, and you’re going to miss it if you act like that. You said it happens for angels in their first year if it’s something they want. If you decide now that you do want a relationship, then how do you know you won’t be in one by this time next year?

I guess the first sixteen years isn’t that long really, but it’s different for humans. We have to grow up in those sixteen years. I’m assuming angels don’t have to grow up in their first year.

Did I read that right? The angel of giving people the HIV virus for no apparent reason? The angel of child murder? What was going on when all of you angels decided it would be a good idea to dedicate yourselves to these things? I used to think that you were weird when Gabriel first told me you were the angel of depression. I suppose that’s been put into perspective for me now.

Anyway, you’ve just picked out the examples that suit you best. There’s Michael, the angel of compassion, and Gabriel’s not so bad once you get to know her. I’m sure there must be angels other than Michael who have dedicated themselves to nice things. I’m human, and I’ve met Michael, not that I can remember it though. You’re an angel, so you’ve got much more chance of meeting them than I have. If I can meet them, I’m sure you can.

Why do you think people kill themselves because of you? You’re not that bad, you just have low self-esteem.


Thursday, May 22, 2008

To: Poppy
Re: Santa and Attachments

Well, justifiable fear then. But even this need not be the case, you do not have to be afraid.

Santa does make Christmas special for children, and they might well decide to 'be good' so they will get presents. However, this is only teaching them to deny themselves what they might want in exchange for material goods. That makes parenting easier no doubt, having well behaved kids for a year and then rewarding them. The end result is that the lesson is burned into children's sub consciousness and they take that lesson into their adult lives. The underlying problem is that parents rarely think of their children as potential adults, and the children you raise today will be the deciders of your global policies when they're older. For this reason, subconscious lessons are vitally important to the future of your world, or may even be the decider of whether your world has a future.

Some children might raise a huge tantrum over what they want, but that is not their fault. It is, as always, the way they've been brought up. There is no reason to forgive Damien, as there are billions of other humans. Meet some of them, you may find they're not all as foolish as he.

A lie told by those who believe the lie is still invalid. Religious people are basing their beliefs on their faith, which is a foolish thing to use, at best, when deciding what to believe about the universe around you. Fortunately, there are those of you, many more these days, who see religion for what it is.

I did not choose one day to make a new species, as you're probably aware you evolved over those millions of years. We decided to begin existence, the exact events and circumstances of life are not decided by me directly. They are decided by you.

By changing yourself, you change your perception of the events. That's all the matters. If you're not attached to the events, the world can go to hell in a hand basket and it needn't effect you personally. In the end, all life and all things will return to the source, their happy ending is assured.

You can do it, it's only a matter of choice and a little reconditioning of your mind. Simply choosing what to be attached to, and what not to be.

-----Original Message-----

From: Complaints Department [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]

Sent: 20 May 2008 12:57

To: God

Subject: FW: Good lies and bad lies

16 years is not that long, even for humans. Not the first 16 years anyway. Humans don't tend to form serious relationships until at least that age... Angels tend to do it within the first year mind you, if it's something they want. Otherwise it happens randomly at any point, kind of like humans. Then, there's me...

Worse that Raphael's not that hard, you could meet Gavreel, the angel of war, or Izra'il, the angel of giving human beings the HIV virus for no particular reason. Or, even more of a big thing, Mumiah, the angel of human child murder.

I do go there yeah, a lot of depressed people do. I expect the fact I go there is the actual reason for all the suicides there... That's how my life on Earth always ends anyway, but they don't find a body since it disappears as soon as it dies. If it didn't the statistics would probably be even higher.

Since you're not me, you might actually meet a nice Angel. One who doesn't puke all over you...

Love and light are things that affect other people,


Signature - I'm not always this depressed... Except when I feel, think or do anything really...

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

To: God
Re: Good lies and bad lies

I’d like to think it is caution justifying it, but when I look deep inside, I think it is fear. After what happened to my mum, I think it always will be.

I still think Santa Claus is a good idea, even if parents do lie about it. Santa makes Christmas special for kids. Christmas just wouldn’t be the same if it was just having presents on one day of the year. It would just take the festive spirit out of it all. I remember as a kid my parents used to take me to see Santa to tell him what I wanted for Christmas, and I used to write letters to Santa and leave snacks next to the fireplace for Santa and carrots for the reindeer on Christmas Eve. I know now that it’s not real, but I’m not a bad person because of it.

It’s different with birthdays. Kids get greedy on their birthdays because they know their parents are buying the presents, so if they don’t get something they want, then there will be huge tantrums because of it. If Santa doesn’t bring something they wanted, on the other hand, then the kids will learn next year that maybe they weren’t good enough this year, so they’ll behave better over the next year so they can get what they want for Christmas.

I know that lying can be really hurtful, but I can’t believe that it’s wrong in all circumstances. Then again, I can see your point. Like what you said about people having affairs. If Damien had told me straight away about Michelle, I might have been able to forgive him and we could have worked things out. As it was, I found out by accident months later. Maybe I wouldn’t have forgiven him though. I could have lived if it was just Michelle, but he got her pregnant, AND had another girlfriend I still know nothing about. That’s much more difficult, even if I had known from the start.

Religion is different than Santa Claus though. Religious people don’t know they’re lying. As far as they’re concerned, they’re telling the truth.

Why did the world exist millions of years before us? What made you decide one day that you were going to create a completely new species?

Even if I do change myself, it doesn’t change the events that have and still continue to go on around me. As much as I wish they weren’t, they’re a part of who I am now. Of course I’ve tried before to stop thinking about my mum, but it’s been nine years now and it never works. I wish it was that easy to just be able to turn off my feelings like that. There are some things I just think I’m never going to get over. Damien used to be able to distract me from thinking about my mum all the time, but now he’s another problem on my list. I could think of him and feel happy. Now I think of him and get just as upset about him as I do about my mum. There’s nothing I can distract myself with from all of the bad things now.

Camael, you never know. You could meet someone tomorrow for all you know. The amount of time you’ve been single doesn’t matter. 16 years might not be a long time for you, but it was for me. I was single and had never had a boyfriend one week, and the next week me and Damien were going out with each other. The same could happen for you.

I’m finding it hard to comprehend how anyone can possibly be worse than Raphael. Anyway, I KNOW not all of the angels are like that. You’re not the first angel I’ve spoken to. Just because some people are horrible, doesn’t mean all of them are. Why would nice people get you down though? That doesn’t make sense to me.

So you go to Beachy Head a lot? I wouldn’t mind meeting an angel, actually. The first time didn’t count because Gabriel and Michael got me so drunk I can’t remember any of it.


Monday, May 19, 2008

To: Poppy
Re: Lies, Damned Lies and Religion

Well, waiting until the cars have stopped before crossing the road is quite sensible behaviour, so long as it's caution justifying it rather than fear.

Of course parents aren't trying to be mean, or get revenge for their own childhoods. Nonetheless, they are lying. For some reason, people seem to think bringing children up to think a large man in a red coat carried by flying reindeer is going to come and bring them presents once a year is a good idea. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that all the presents have to come from somewhere, and so it's very much in the interests of big business to support it.

As it happens, for most children there is a day when your parents buy you presents, it's called your birthday.

In the end though, Santa Claus isn't the big issue. The issue is lying to children in order to protect their feelings, innocence, to curtail a potentially embarrassing discussion or for any other reason. Children having been brought up by their parents in this way will naturally believe (if only subconsciously) that lying to people is acceptable, if they can justify it in some way. This is clearly shown in a sexual relationship where one of the partners has an affair. Naturally, whoever's doing it will keep it secret. They'll justify that by thinking if they keep it secret, their partner won't be hurt.

Children have cartoons, their dreams and everything their friends say to keep their imaginations running wild. They don't need to be lied to by their parents too.

That's a pretty big timing error! One might be able to accept days having been misinterpreted as weeks, maybe months... But Millions of years? They made it days because they had no idea it was millions of years, and no real reason to think the world existed for a real length of time before humans. They just didn't know any better.

People tend to remember the good times about the past, and forget the bad. People had much the same concerns back then that they did now, the poor education, the crime, the immoral children having underage sex.

Just like parents and Santa Claus, religion lies to people for 'good reasons'. They're trying to save people from a God who might just torture them forever. That doesn't make it right though, because they can't validate their religious beliefs with reason. Unless they're insane.

What would you want done with your life? Funnily enough, happiness comes from you. You're the only one who can make your life better, but the easiest way is to change yourself. Changing other people is very difficult, requiring enormous and constant effort. That's why a great deal of relationships end, by the way. People trying to mould each other get worn out and change back to who they really were. Then they realise they're incompatible.

Well, your negative feelings won't just disappear. You need to make that happen. Feelings are only thoughts that are allowed free reign in your mind, and if they're strong enough even your body. They can be controlled, changed or eliminated by your will.

-----Original Message-----

From: Complaints Department [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]

Sent: 17 May 2008 21:07

To: God

Subject: FW: Lies

Well, I know it wouldn't be my fault exactly but it would be so typical. I like the way you say you didn't have a boyfriend until you were 16, as if that was a long time... I've been alive over 1500 of your years now. Never had a relationship... Never even a, "hey baby, fancy a quick meaningless affair?". People vomit on me a lot though, dunno if that means anything.

Different with the angels?! You did talk to Raphael right? He's not even the worst of them... Not that it matters if a certain someone wipes out entire species just because she's in a bad mood, they're probably better off anyway. Probably safer talking to strangers on Earth, at least they get put in prison if they murder you. Not that murder is possible for us sadly...

Well, that particular human host turned out to be allergic to ice cream, I'm sure if I tried it again the same thing (or worse) would happen though. I wouldn't go to Beachy Head to be honest. The cliffs are nice but then you might meet me...

Angels do die, eventually... Takes almost 6000 Earth years though. Some people are just horrible, but it's the nice people that really get me down...

Love and light are things that affect other people,


Signature - I'm not always this depressed... Except when I feel, think or do anything really...

Saturday, May 17, 2008

To: God
Re: Lies

It’s not that I’m afraid to cross the street, it’s that I can’t bring myself to walk out in front of a moving car, even if it’s stopping. I can’t walk across a zebra crossing either until all the cars are stopped. It’s not that I’m scared, I just think I’m too cautious.

Parents don’t lie to their kids about Santa and the Tooth Fairy to be mean. They’re trying to make life happier for them. You make it sound like parents do it to spite their kids for what they went through. Wouldn’t it be worse if parents decided not to tell their kids, then the kids heard from their friends about Santa. Then they’d think that their parents were lying to them. By the time the kids grow out of believing in Santa, they’re old enough to understand why their parents would tell them those stories. I’d rather have a few good Christmases as a kid with all of the magic that goes with it than just growing up knowing that there’s going to be a day when my parents are going to buy me presents. It’s that kind of thing that makes kids greedy and not appreciate things.

About the dinosaurs, I’d come to the conclusion that the timing was wrong, even before I started talking to you. If these days were millions of years, then it would make sense that the dinosaurs could exist millions of years before humans.

Maybe all of this violence is because there are more people now, but I still can’t believe the increase in violence is proportionate to the increase in the number of people. I’m sure the world hasn’t always been like it is now where people are afraid to go out on streets on their own, even in the daytime in some places.

I’m sure religion doesn’t lie to people on purpose. Maybe the Bible was written by people who were lying to control and deceive people, but it’s not like that anymore. When people spread the word or whatever it is they do, they don’t do it maliciously to lie to people, because they don’t know about the inaccuracies. As far as they’re concerned, it’s the truth. They’re not consciously lying to people. They do it to be kind to people.

Doing something about my life is easier said than done. There’s nothing I can do to turn the clock back, and there’s nothing worth looking forward to in the future either. Makes me wonder why I’m still here, actually…

I can’t believe that my negative feelings will disappear. Maybe over time, I’ll get over Damien, but it’s been nine years since Mum died and I still haven’t gotten over it. I can’t help but think about it all the time, since I just have to look at my life and think how different it would be if she was here.

When is Damien going to learn about his phone? I found out about Michelle because he had a photo of her on his phone when we accidentally swapped (we both have the same kind of phone). You would have thought he’d have learnt his lesson by now.

Camael, given my life at the moment, suicidal thoughts aren’t that uncommon, so don’t blame yourself if I end up killing myself. Seriously though, I don’t intend on killing myself at the moment. I’m sure there’s something to live for, I just haven’t figured out what it is yet.

There’s always a chance you could get into a relationship. Damien was my first boyfriend, and we didn’t get together until I was 16. I thought for a long time I was never going to have a boyfriend too, so don’t put yourself down.

It’s different for me to talk to people around me than it is for you. I don’t have anyone else I know I can talk to, and on Earth you can’t just go around talking to strangers because there are too many evil people about. It has to be different with the angels.

Hmm, so you’re allergic to ice cream? I don’t know what I’d do without ice cream. Ice cream gets me through things sometimes. Well, it used to. I’ve had so much stuff go on in the past few months it’s beginning to lose its power.

I’ve always wanted to go to Beachy Head. I love cliffs, even though I’m terrified of heights. You said though that they reminded you of the death you can’t have yet. Yet? I didn’t think angels could die.

Some people are just horrible people. Don’t let it bother you if they say horrible things. It’s a reflection on them, not you.


To: Poppy
Re: Streets, Dinosaurs and Control

Well, taking care crossing the street is a good idea if you want to stay alive. Most parents tell their children in a quite insistent fashion never to cross without looking both ways, and given the danger, most people agree it's a very good idea. Unfortunately, those same people then go and disobey their own good ideas and ignore their own advice. This contradictory behaviour is apparent throughout the human race.

Still, while common sense no doubt applies, you should not let it get to the point where it scares you. If you do you end up with phobias about it, be cautious not afraid.

As a child, there is generally nothing to suggest what your parents tell you is false. Until there is. Discovering that Santa and the Tooth Fairy don't really exist begins something interesting in a child's mind. Suddenly, the child discovers it's parents don't always tell the truth, whereas usually the child simply believes whatever they say. Sadly, this means all the falsehoods and physiological damage passed on from previous generations get given to the next as well.

One thing kids tend to like is dinosaurs (why a child would be interested in these things is something the human race really should look at). So if we have a child who knows about both dinosaurs and the bible, it might well ask:

"If I created the world in seven days, how did the dinosaurs live for millions of years before humans?"

I am not controlling people. People are controlling people. You can't just ignore them, you'd never evolve as a race if people did that. However you need to filter other people's ideas through a metaphorical mesh made out of logic in your mind. I don't interfere because to do so would be to limit your own choices. People can do that, but I will not.

In reality, if more people are getting killed these days it is only because there are more people. Humans were just as violent and confused 10 years ago, 100 years ago, 1000 years ago as they are today. Nowadays of course, more of it is being reported, and violence across the world is displayed on your TV screens.
Religion is a bad thing because it lies to you. You will not become some kind of sadistic evil woman because you leave religion, people might notice that not all religious people are monsters, but not all are kind gentle folk either. The same holds true for the scientists and atheists of your world. They are what they choose to be, and so are you. If you don't want to murder children, don't do it! Doesn't make any odds whether you're a Christian or not in that sense.

Yes, you asked for this sign and so you have received. But if your beliefs hadn't been turned on their head now, it would have happened slowly over many years. Of course, you'd continue to be depressed and lonely, but you'd probably be praying for me to get rid of it for you rather than actively doing something about it yourself. That's something you would do well to start as soon as possible.

Regarding the inside of you mind, I will say that if you don't control your thoughts and feelings, they'll control you. Sadly, confronting said thoughts and feelings is a necessary first step to controlling and finally understanding them. If you can do that, the negative ones will all but disappear.

Damien does have a caring side to him. That doesn't make his negative qualities any less negative though. Sadly for him, his need to appear like everything's going well may one day have his life falling apart around him while he smiles and tries to pretend otherwise. This process has already begun in his relationship with Michelle. As you might imagine, Michelle is getting rather irritated that he's been texting you (Damien doesn't actually know about the "sent items" folder) and they're feeling the strain. Well, she is anyway, Damien's naturally completely oblivious.

-----Original Message-----

From: Complaints Department [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]
Sent: 15 May 2008 11:28
To: God
Subject: FW: Death, religion and me

Well yeah, everyone else seems to be more trouble than they're worth. Even if I'm not in a relationship, not that I've ever had one so I don't know why I bother to say that, I still get hurt. Sometimes though, I get into a detailed discussion with some poor soul who's had the misfortune to meet me. I tell them all about my views on everything, they always end up killing themselves. It really gets me down...

Hah, you say I've got other people around me to be friends with, but you have plenty too. If you believed that then why aren't you out there making friends? There's enough humans out there...

Most of the people around me do know what to say, they say:

"Get out of my way" - Even though in our 4 dimensional existence there's no means for me to be in their way...

I tried strawberry ice cream once, I was on holiday at Beachy Head (I like the white cliffs, reminds me of the death I can't have yet) and some human guy was trying to cheer me up and offered me some. Made my tongue swell up something awful and I was throwing up for over an hour afterwards.

Never saw him again, like most people I meet.

Love and light are things that affect other people,


Signature - I'm not always this depressed... Except when I feel, think or do anything really...

Thursday, May 15, 2008

To: God
Re: Death, religion and me

After what happened to my mum, I’m always a bit fazed about crossing the street. I’ve seen how easily a car can kill someone. Even if the traffic lights are on red, I don’t cross until all the cars have completely stopped. I guess that knowledge and experience of how fragile the human body is transfers over into other things, like me worrying about being killed in circumstances that may or may not come to be.

I did have a choice in what to believe in. When mum used to tell me stories from the Bible when I was a kid, I could have turned around and decided not to believe it, but I didn’t, and that was my choice. There was nothing to suggest that everything Mum used to tell me from the Bible wasn’t true, so why would I not believe it?

Doesn’t it annoy you that all these religions have completely the wrong idea about you? Surely you’d be controlling people less if you wiped out religion than if you sit there and leave it be? Like me for instance, I’ve spent most of my life going to church on a Sunday, and if you trace that back, it comes back to you. If the Bible and all of these religions that have got it wrong didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be going to church. You’re not doing it directly, but I’ve being controlled to go to church because of other peoples’ ideas of you. Wipe out religion, and I wouldn’t be. You might not be controlling people directly, but you’re causing people to control other people by doing nothing.

Surely though, religion must stop more murders and wars than it causes? Like a while ago we were talking about what the world was like a few hundred years ago when everyone was Christian. The Ten Commandments say that you’re not allowed to murder anyone, and so people didn’t kill each other. Now people don’t follow religion, and look at the world. We’re always hearing about people getting killed all the time. A lot of the time kids who didn’t deserve to be killed. Parents killing their children, in some cases. How can religion be a bad thing if it stops things like that happening? Even if it is all wrong, if that’s the type of person I’ll turn into if I leave religion, I’m staying a Christian forever.

I suppose I did ask for all of this, although I would have been happy with just some small sign you were there. I wasn’t quite expecting for me to have my beliefs turned on their head like this.

Inside my mind is the last place I want to be. If I stop doing things, I start thinking about everything that’s gone on in my life, and then I start depressing myself. My dreams aren’t that much better, when I can actually get to sleep. I haven’t been sleeping that well lately. I lie in bed but just can’t sleep, so I start thinking about things and getting depressed again. After all that, when I do get to sleep I end up having bad dreams because of all the bad things I’ve been thinking about while I was lying there, but there’s just nothing nice for me to think about.

It wouldn’t surprise me if all Damien worries about is how he’s going to look when he texts me, because it works. When he talks about Michelle and the baby, he reminds me of the really caring side of him, and it makes me miss him. Human beings weren’t designed to be completely alone…Maybe that’s why I feel so terrible, since apart from you, I am completely alone. There’s a small part of me inside that’s tempted to just forgive Damien for what he’s done and take him back because I'm so lonely, but I’m doing my best to ignore that, because I know if I did, I’d end up getting hurt again.

Camael, believe me, boyfriends are more trouble than they’re worth. Look at me. I was just about okay with myself before. Okay, I had two really good years with Damien, but now that’s over I’m a wreck. I was going to kill myself three weeks ago. Really, you’re much better off without a boyfriend. If you don't get into a relationship, you can't get hurt afterwards.

I’m sure they’re not avoiding you, they just don’t know what to say. Maybe if you spoke to them a bit more, then they’d be more comfortable around you? At least you have people there. All I’ve got is my dad. He avoids me and I avoid him, and that’s it. You’ve got enough other people around you. If you make the effort, there’s got to be at least one person there you can make friends with.

Failing that, I find strawberry ice cream works for me…


To: Poppy
Re: Religions

Oh I didn't say it 'will' happen, just that it could. Of course, the risk of being killed (by aliens or a car) is always there. You knew that, so why would fear of alien invasion faze you any more than crossing the street?

You could almost have been said to have had no choice in your religious beliefs. You were brought up to believe in a very specific God. Nobody really ever told you any different, and those that might have done were not the kind of people to associate with. All I did however, was told you the truth. I am not the only source of this in your world, your scientists do it every day.

It might well be better for human society if I came in, erased all religious knowledge from everyone's minds and buggered off leaving everyone with only rational thoughts. Of course, I didn't create you that I might control you so directly. War could end tomorrow if only people would agree not to kill each other. That though, like everything else, is for humans to do. Faith doesn't make peace, only people can do that.

As for all the many religions, you're quite right in that they're all rubbish. They all have misguided ideas, such as worship of myself, heaven and hell, holiness and sin. Of course, no religion could sustain itself with the truth, because it would immediately identify itself as totally irrelevant. Those in power tend to want more power, not less. The reason you're getting this 'direct line to God' as opposed to someone (or everyone) else, is simply because this is how it goes in this experience. That and you asked...

Of course, the 'different races' are really not so different. Not genetically anyway. They have different cultures, different languages and ideals... But they're all human beings. The world did not start with Adam and Eve, the first humans could only just about grunt, they had no chance of making their own names.

I hate to get all mystical on you, but if you're not finding there's anywhere outside to go to calm your mind, maybe you could have a look inside your mind? What are your dreams like for one? That's a really good indicator of your emotional status. Dreams are the minds way of processing the days emotional baggage.

Of course, human beings weren't designed to be completely alone. There's nothing wrong in relying on friends to help you through troubled times. In fact, having friends like that is one of the real positives souls report when they come back. Now, Damien's one of these people who lives based on his pride. He doesn't tend to think, "how's this person going to feel?". He tends to think, "how's this going to make me look?". Naturally, he's not alone in this.

Well, perhaps changing your phone number and not telling him would be a plan? Good to have a mobile in an emergency but if you're just getting unwanted messages off your ex...

-----Original Message-----

From: Complaints Department [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]

Sent: 14 May 2008 18:42

To: God

Subject: FW: Different people

I think I should make it clear I'm feeling very down today...

That aside, this is the latest message in this pointless task.

I might not be as evil as Raphael, but I'm worse off... Hey at least he has his trout! I tried that about 500 of your years ago, didn't work for me. Course, nothing does.

Hey at least she's had a boyfriend... Nobody loves me. Not that there's any reason anyone should of course... Nobody even notices me unless I'm in the way, which I usually seem to be. People did used to try and be nice, but it was all fake and anyway they all avoid me now.

Love and light are things that affect other people,


Signature - I'm not always this depressed... Except when I feel, think or do anything really...

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

To: God
Re: Different people

Okay, I think I’m going to have to force myself to stop thinking about all these aliens and pretend you didn’t say that it’ll happen anyway, or else I’m going to end up doing myself mental damage. Even though my life sucks right now, I don’t want to be killed, even if it does mean I get to start a new life. I’ve come this far, I’d like to see it through to the end.

You seem to have a really bad idea about religious people. I was religious, and you managed to change me easily enough. What makes you think you wouldn’t be able to do it with everyone else?

What you said about people being persecuted for different things…

Where did all the different religions come from? From what I’ve heard none of them have it right. Surely it would be better if you did something to stop all of these religions and make sure everyone knows everything the way it is? Why did it never occur to you to tell everyone what you're telling me now? That way, wars and murders wouldn’t happen because of all the different religions.

It’s the same with all the different races. If the world started with Adam and Eve and their kids, where did all the different races come from?

I think Dad’s split up with his latest girlfriend. He hasn’t said anything, but all the signs are there. He’s been coming home after work and then spending all night out. I know I hate Dad having all of these girlfriends, but at least it gets him out of the house so I don’t have to think about him. Out of sight, out of mind. I’ve gotten used to being on my own. It almost feels like an invasion of my territory having him here in the evenings before he goes out. It doesn’t feel like our house, it feels like my house because he’s normally never here. I wish I had somewhere decent I could go to when he comes home. Church is losing its calming effect on me recently and there’s nowhere else I want to go on my own. I think I’m going to have to start taking babysitting jobs again like I used to. I used to babysit all the time, but I haven’t been in the mood these past few months. I’ve almost cleared my bank account now, and I need something to keep me occupied. Maybe then I’ll be able to afford to go somewhere when I need to get out of the house.

Having said that though, having no credit on my phone is an excellent excuse not to answer Damien’s texts. I got three texts from him today. Michelle went into hospital to have a scan on their baby today, apparently, and he was sat in his car texting me while waiting to pick her up. I really wish he wouldn’t text me, especially not with updates on his and Michelle’s baby. Does he really think I care when it’s due? I really don’t want to know. I’m happier pretending that he, Michelle and the baby don’t exist. I wish he’d understand that. The way he texts me about it, it’s like he could be talking about the weather or something. He never really was very thoughtful. I doubt he stops to think about how I feel about things before he decides to tell me everything. I know he has enough other friends that he could text when he gets bored. Why does he have to keep texting me? I don’t know why I bother keeping my phone on all the time. It’s not like I’ve got anyone else who’s going to text or phone me. I only got my phone when me and Damien got together to make it easier to keep in touch with each other. Now there’s nothing I could want less than to keep in touch with him.

Gabriel says good luck? Who’s going to be filling in for her? You know, I don’t care. Nobody can be worse than Raphael.


Tuesday, May 13, 2008

To: Poppy
Re: Evil, Faith and Yourself

Well exactly, it's an interesting thing to discuss, but it's not worth worrying over. Since it will happen anyway, it makes no sense to worry about it. Even if it does, all that will happen is you'll return to us, ready to begin another fascinating life.

Of course, people do lie to save other people's feelings. But this now goes beyond a personal conversation, and people from all over your world and beyond can read this exchange. I would not have them lied to even if I would to you, which I wouldn't.

Well, the climate for someone like Hitler to come to power existed there. There are people who think much the same or worse still alive today, but not living in a country so damaged they're willing to do near enough anything to get out of it they're considered strange rather than evil. Of course, something like Hitler's regime might not happen today in your country, but it is happening in others. People are still persecuted and even murdered just for being the wrong colour, gender or religion. Even in the 'developed' world it still happens, but it tends to happen because of smaller groups of people rather than government policy.

The problem with guidance is that by being guided you don't make the decisions yourself, but the decisions other people have thought out. These might not be right for you. So if you're not sure how to feel about something, look inside yourself and decide. Use reason, use your caring feelings. Try to think, what would best express who you are, and who you want to be?

Now, if you can't prove something exists, you only have an idea about it. Faith is what turns religious belief into the monster it has become, because it makes people unwilling to change or compromise. When that happens, people belonging to faiths that have different enough beliefs start murdering each other.

Not that I'm saying people shouldn't have their ideas and beliefs, but they shouldn't try to force them on others. That just leads to... Well, look around you.

-----Original Message-----

From: Complaints Department [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]

Sent: 12 May 2008 16:52

To: God

Subject: FW: Sparing my feelings

It IS that easy, or at least, no more difficult for you than me! Human beings can control their feelings, and by changing the way they act, a change in personality generally follows. People don't have to affect you, not if you don't want them to. It's just a choice...

I don't understand the 'relationship thing' in terms of human beings. Once you start a relationship, you seem to want to keep the other person all to yourself, like a possession or something. What do you people call it? Monogamy I think.

Yeah I have over a thousand kids, amazing how many people you can impregnate in such a short time span actually. Course I am over two thousand years old in your time...

Well, I'll have to say goodbye for a bit, since I'm off to try out being a new life form for a few days. Turns out there are 5 genders in this one, all of which are required for pregnancy to occur, should be interesting.

So according to the computer the next one to fill in for me is... Oh dear...

Good luck!

Love, light and medical experiments,


Signature - There'll be time for explanations later. And hopefully, some sex!

Monday, May 12, 2008

To: God
Re: Sparing my feelings

Okay, fair enough that it can be counterproductive to lie to people, but it wouldn’t have hurt on this one occasion. I’m even more paranoid about aliens now. I’m going to spend the rest of my life worried now that we’re all going to be killed, and since you said it’ll all be over pretty quick if it does happen, it’s not like I’m any better off worrying about it because it’ll be too quick for me to form an escape plan or something while I’m sat here worrying about it. To make it worse, the kind of aliens who are ethically inclined to kill me aren’t the type of aliens I can reason with. They’re going to kill us all regardless of what reasoning I can come up with in the meantime to tell them.

World War 2 still wouldn’t have happened without Hitler regardless of whether or not he imposed his will or not. Anyway, that was seventy years ago now. It wouldn’t happen again today.

I don’t want to be told exactly how to live my life, but a little help would be nice. Life’s so complicated and it’s nice to have the Bible there to give guidance on things. Or rather, it was nice. There are some things that are obviously wrong, but there’s other stuff I don’t know how to feel about.

What you said about faith though, you’re still there, even if people can’t prove it. Does it really matter if there’s no proof? We can’t prove that aliens exist either and they apparently do now. How is that any different?

Gabriel, if only it was that easy! Even if I chose that I didn’t want to feel all of things that I feel, it’s not like I can just turn them off like you can. True, if people didn’t do things to upset me, I wouldn’t have to experience all of the feelings I do, but it’s not my choice to have them do the things they do. As it is, I’m surrounded by people who seem to do everything they can to hurt me, so I don’t have a choice to feel everything I do feel about that.

I guess you wouldn’t understand the whole relationship thing. Okay, another example. What if Michael did something that wiped out everything even slightly perverted in the world and made it impossible to have sex? Would you still be able to love him, even though he’s done the worst possible thing imaginable for you? Because that’s what happened with me and Damien.

You have over a thousand kids? I was expecting you to say a few dozen at the most. All I can say is that at least it’s a good thing you’re a lot more responsible now.

You shouldn’t laugh at people who are depressed. You don’t know how it feels to be that way.