Re: Why things are the way they are
It might not interfere with my life that much, but it interferes with me. Almost every time I cross a road, I think of Mum. I don’t do it consciously, but it happens, and it upsets me sometimes, especially if I’m already in a bad mood, which I am more often than not these days.
You don’t have to tell me that humanity could be a lot better than it is. I know that. Changing the way the next generation is brought up isn’t going to happen though. Maybe you’ve managed to convince me to bring up my kids differently if I ever have kids, but that’s just me. If you refuse to intervene and change something in the world, then you can’t complain about the way people bring up their kids. I don’t have the power to change the world, but you do.
Maybe the law is enough to stop people from doing big things like murdering and stealing and things, but what about little things? Like the working for material goods thing. I’m sure that 99% of the world would stop working if nobody was going to get paid for it. Then where does that leave the world? Half of the world would starve within a week because they wouldn’t have any money to buy food. Then everyone would start working for food, and we’d be right back where we started. It’s never going to end.
Schools are never going to change either, not while people have to work to survive. Schools aren’t intended to teach you about the world, they’re intended to get you ready to work one day. Philosophy has no tangible benefit to the world, and that’s why it’s never going to be taught in school.
Maybe it is a risk people have to take if they want a relationship, but I just can’t stand to do something that might end up getting me hurt in the end. I’ve been through that once, and I can’t bear to go through getting hurt again. I know I’m so lonely, but I can’t convince myself it’s worth the risk at the moment.
If I knew what motivated Damien to do what he did, I might have been able to stop it. I’m sure you must know why he did it better than I do. I can’t understand why he did it. He always seems to be falling out with Michelle and I never hear anything at all about his other girlfriend, so she can’t be that great. Me and him used to get along so well. We never argued at all. If we’d fallen out over something and he found comfort with Michelle, maybe I could understand it, but it was just so out of the blue. That’s part of what annoyed me so much about it, that I just couldn’t see the reason.
I used to be able to believe that bad things that happened were necessary and had a purpose, but what purpose do they have now? They’re not some kind of test to see whether I should go to Heaven or Hell, since Hell doesn’t exist. It seems now that things happen just to deliberately upset me.
I used to go to church and meet people, but that doesn’t happen every week now like it used to. Other than that, my only hobby now is reading, and that’s not the type of thing you can do with other people.
I don’t expect I’ll be going to church tomorrow. I’ve got into the habit now of not setting my alarm clock on a Sunday morning. If I’m awake, I’ll go. If I’m not, then I won’t go. It’s half eleven now. I highly doubt I’ll be awake in time. A while ago, I would have had to have been on the brink of death to not go to church. Now I’m happy to sleep right through it at home. I won’t go if it’s raining either. The thing that irritates me the most about it is how it doesn’t even bother me. I feel bad about not going to Mum’s grave every week, but missing church doesn’t bother me at all.
It doesn’t help me with all of this happy ending stuff. How can you say that Damien deserves a happy ending after the suffering he’s put me through?
Camael, don’t say there’s nothing about you to love. There’s something about everyone to love. You shouldn’t have to change who you are.
How do you expect anyone to fall in love with you though if you just act like this all the time? I’ve been talking to you for almost two weeks now, and in that time I’ve learnt nothing about you other than the fact that you like to complain about your life when there’s really nothing to complain about. Okay, so you’ve never had a boyfriend. Look at me. My mum was killed when I was nine, the guy who killed her never got convicted, my boyfriend cheated on me with two other girls and got one of them pregnant, I can’t remember the last time I spoke to my dad and I have no friends whatsoever. Do you know what I would do to be in your position?
Like when you say nobody likes you for being you, they just try to cheer you up. How can they like you for being you if you never show anyone what you’re really like? There’s more to you than just being depressed? Like I said, I’ve been speaking to you for two weeks, and I know nothing about you. What kind of basis is that to form any kind of relationship with anyone?
You complain when people like me try to help you, you complain when people like Michael don’t. Why can’t you make up your mind?
You’re not doing yourself any favours.
-Poppy
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