Friday, May 23, 2008

To: God
Re: Growing up and being attached

When I cross the road, it’s not something I think about consciously. It just happens. I do think about it sometimes and tell myself not to be scared, but I just can’t help it. I can’t bring myself to cross the road until I know there’s zero possibility that the cars on the road are going to do anything else but sit there.


It’s funny what you said about Santa, because that’s exactly the way the world works, people denying themselves what they really want in exchange for material goods. Nobody really wants to go out to work, everyone has to be good and do it because if they didn’t they wouldn’t get paid and they wouldn’t survive. Can you imagine what kind of chaos the world would be in if everyone did exactly what they wanted? I know a lot of people do that a lot of the time already, so it would be a million times worse than it already is. If that’s what Santa teaches children, that’s one of the best lessons they can learn if they’re going to grow up. Not that I like the way the world is, but it is that way, and the world would just stop if there wasn’t something stopping people doing exactly what they wanted.


In some ways, I’m happy a lot of adults don’t see their kids as potential adults. There’s too much pressure on kids to grow up these days. I was pushed into being an adult more or less right after Mum died, having to look after myself a lot of the time because Dad wasn’t going to. It’s stupid what kids go through in schools as well, having to do exams for their SATs when they’re seven years old. When you’re seven, you can’t even appreciate why you have to do these exams. It’s just pressure you don’t need when you’re that young. If anything, kids need to grow up slower, not quicker.


Meeting new people wouldn’t be easy, even if I had somewhere to go to meet people. Anyway, how can you tell what people are really like? I was with Damien for two years before I found out he was the type of person to have three girlfriends and keep them all secret from each other. Even if someone I meet seems nice, how do you know they’re really like that? I don’t think I’d be able to cope if someone else did that to me again.


If we did all evolve, what did all the souls do up until the point when humans evolved? If you created the world so you could experience things, why weren’t humans in the world from the beginning so you could experience things? What did you do for the millions of years before humans arrived on the scene?


It’s very easy for you to tell me to not get attached to events, but how can I not when they affect me so much? Not just in a mental sense, but the way they change my life. If I really tried, maybe I could just forget about Damien and not let what he’s done upset me, but after that, I’m sat here at home alone every day because of it, and it’s his fault. My life for the past two years wasn’t that bad, but now he’s completely destroyed that. How can I just ignore that fact?


Don’t remind me how everyone’s going to have a happy ending in the end. There are some people who just don’t deserve a happy ending.


Camael, if you say it just happens randomly, how do you know that your chance just hasn’t come up yet? It could happen tomorrow. It could happen the day after that. It could happen any time, and you’re going to miss it if you act like that. You said it happens for angels in their first year if it’s something they want. If you decide now that you do want a relationship, then how do you know you won’t be in one by this time next year?


I guess the first sixteen years isn’t that long really, but it’s different for humans. We have to grow up in those sixteen years. I’m assuming angels don’t have to grow up in their first year.


Did I read that right? The angel of giving people the HIV virus for no apparent reason? The angel of child murder? What was going on when all of you angels decided it would be a good idea to dedicate yourselves to these things? I used to think that you were weird when Gabriel first told me you were the angel of depression. I suppose that’s been put into perspective for me now.


Anyway, you’ve just picked out the examples that suit you best. There’s Michael, the angel of compassion, and Gabriel’s not so bad once you get to know her. I’m sure there must be angels other than Michael who have dedicated themselves to nice things. I’m human, and I’ve met Michael, not that I can remember it though. You’re an angel, so you’ve got much more chance of meeting them than I have. If I can meet them, I’m sure you can.


Why do you think people kill themselves because of you? You’re not that bad, you just have low self-esteem.


-Poppy


No comments: