Saturday, May 17, 2008

To: God
Re: Lies

It’s not that I’m afraid to cross the street, it’s that I can’t bring myself to walk out in front of a moving car, even if it’s stopping. I can’t walk across a zebra crossing either until all the cars are stopped. It’s not that I’m scared, I just think I’m too cautious.


Parents don’t lie to their kids about Santa and the Tooth Fairy to be mean. They’re trying to make life happier for them. You make it sound like parents do it to spite their kids for what they went through. Wouldn’t it be worse if parents decided not to tell their kids, then the kids heard from their friends about Santa. Then they’d think that their parents were lying to them. By the time the kids grow out of believing in Santa, they’re old enough to understand why their parents would tell them those stories. I’d rather have a few good Christmases as a kid with all of the magic that goes with it than just growing up knowing that there’s going to be a day when my parents are going to buy me presents. It’s that kind of thing that makes kids greedy and not appreciate things.


About the dinosaurs, I’d come to the conclusion that the timing was wrong, even before I started talking to you. If these days were millions of years, then it would make sense that the dinosaurs could exist millions of years before humans.


Maybe all of this violence is because there are more people now, but I still can’t believe the increase in violence is proportionate to the increase in the number of people. I’m sure the world hasn’t always been like it is now where people are afraid to go out on streets on their own, even in the daytime in some places.


I’m sure religion doesn’t lie to people on purpose. Maybe the Bible was written by people who were lying to control and deceive people, but it’s not like that anymore. When people spread the word or whatever it is they do, they don’t do it maliciously to lie to people, because they don’t know about the inaccuracies. As far as they’re concerned, it’s the truth. They’re not consciously lying to people. They do it to be kind to people.


Doing something about my life is easier said than done. There’s nothing I can do to turn the clock back, and there’s nothing worth looking forward to in the future either. Makes me wonder why I’m still here, actually…


I can’t believe that my negative feelings will disappear. Maybe over time, I’ll get over Damien, but it’s been nine years since Mum died and I still haven’t gotten over it. I can’t help but think about it all the time, since I just have to look at my life and think how different it would be if she was here.


When is Damien going to learn about his phone? I found out about Michelle because he had a photo of her on his phone when we accidentally swapped (we both have the same kind of phone). You would have thought he’d have learnt his lesson by now.


Camael, given my life at the moment, suicidal thoughts aren’t that uncommon, so don’t blame yourself if I end up killing myself. Seriously though, I don’t intend on killing myself at the moment. I’m sure there’s something to live for, I just haven’t figured out what it is yet.


There’s always a chance you could get into a relationship. Damien was my first boyfriend, and we didn’t get together until I was 16. I thought for a long time I was never going to have a boyfriend too, so don’t put yourself down.


It’s different for me to talk to people around me than it is for you. I don’t have anyone else I know I can talk to, and on Earth you can’t just go around talking to strangers because there are too many evil people about. It has to be different with the angels.


Hmm, so you’re allergic to ice cream? I don’t know what I’d do without ice cream. Ice cream gets me through things sometimes. Well, it used to. I’ve had so much stuff go on in the past few months it’s beginning to lose its power.


I’ve always wanted to go to Beachy Head. I love cliffs, even though I’m terrified of heights. You said though that they reminded you of the death you can’t have yet. Yet? I didn’t think angels could die.


Some people are just horrible people. Don’t let it bother you if they say horrible things. It’s a reflection on them, not you.


-Poppy


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