Re: Raison d'etre
Okay, I want you to follow me on this. Imagine this hypothetical situation:
I go out one night. Dad’s brought his girlfriend home and wants to do the business, and I don’t want to be there. The temptation has grown too much, so I grab my motorised anal probe and hit the town.
While I’m out, I happen to bump into Gabriel and Michael, who have taken all the charity money and cabbages from Raphael and ran away without giving him the trout back.
Using the money, the three of us go out and spend thousands of pounds on alcohol, heroin and cocaine, which we then proceed to use.
Following this, we see Damien and Michelle. It’s night and they don’t see us, so I creep up on them. They have no idea I’m there until I ram the anal probe up Damien’s behind and force several cabbages down Michelle’s throat. I stand laughing as Michelle suffocates. Once she’s dead, I pull a knife from my pocket, cut her open and make sure the baby’s dead, then I steal Damien’s clothes and run away.
Following this, me, Gabriel and Michael go back to my place. For one reason or another, Dad’s girlfriend has gone home, so me, Dad and Gabriel have a threesome where I lose my virginity before I’m married to one of my relatives AND Gabriel and I partake in lesbian acts. Meanwhile, Michael goes in my bedroom and proceeds to have sex with Raphael’s trout.
I’d love for you to tell me that there’s something you would object to, but so far, you’ve said nothing to suggest that you would…
- You never had any problems with Eve doing to Adam what I did to Michelle
- You forced inbreeding with Adam and Eve as well as Noah, so me doing things of that nature with my dad shouldn’t bother you.
- You’re not bothered by homosexuality either, so me and Gabriel having a lesbian orgy shouldn’t be a problem.
- You don’t care about Michael’s genitals enough to worry about whether or not he misuses them to have sex with animals, just like Jesus.
- You didn’t come up with the Ten Commandments, so is murder all that bad? Since I was tempted, that meant I wanted it, and I was only exercising my free will. Besides, I’m giving Damien and Michelle a reason to experience forgiveness.
- You created illness, so it’s necessary. Therefore it doesn’t matter if all those people die of cancer because we took the money and blew it on drink and drugs.
- On top of all that, you’re apparently not a judgemental God, and you’re not to say what’s right and wrong, even though you created it all. You don’t care what humans and angels do with each other.
Tell me I’m wrong. Please. I need to hear it.
Okay, disturbing mental images aside…
I do hope Michael manages to talk Gabriel out of doing what she is. Gabriel and Raphael are taking this entirely too far. I can’t believe that Raphael would steal money from charity for the sake of a trout. Isn’t there something you can say to him? Mackerel are nice, you know. Everything that’s going on makes me feel bad. If I hadn’t been at the club that night, then neither would Michael and Gabriel and none of this would be happening. All that money’s been taken from really worthwhile causes and it feels like it’s all my fault.
All of these emails are starting to make me feel really low. I dedicated my life to you and the Bible and what I thought was right, and over the past two weeks you’ve just shattered everything I believed in. You know, when I wrote my first email to you, I wasn’t sure if I was really serious about killing myself. The only person who would really have noticed my absence would have been my dad, and even then I don’t know if he would have cared. The only thing I was really worried about was that you were going to send me to Hell for throwing my life away like that. That’s why I wanted proof that you existed. Once I knew you existed, I would never kill myself because I didn’t want to go to Hell. If I heard nothing, then I’d assume that neither you or Hell existed so it would be fine to kill myself because I knew that nothing would happen afterwards. You’re not helping my will to live at the moment. You were supposed to be my beacon of hope, not an irrefutable source of information to prove to me that my entire life has been a waste of time. At the moment, I’m failing to understand why I’m here and why I should continue to be. I’m not enjoying myself and you said that Heaven’s an impossible target for me to miss. What’s the point of me being here? Please talk me out of this. I’m beginning to scare myself.
I didn’t go to church today, you know. I’m sure there was a time when I would have felt bad about that. The reason it took me all day to reply, even though I didn’t go to church today was that I actually spent most of the day in bed. I didn’t get out of bed until at least one o’ clock. I usually visit Mum’s grave on a Sunday (I’m normally at the church anyway, so it makes sense to do it then), so by the time I got dressed, had lunch (it was too late for breakfast) and everything else, time was getting on and I’ve only just got back. I would have felt bad if I didn’t go. I’m sure I should feel bad about not going to church too, but I don’t yet.
Oh, and another thing. Raphael, I know you’re going to read this email before you forward it, so I’m going to say a few things:
1. I think you’re sick. I don’t know how you can justify stealing money from charity. If Hell existed, you’d be going there. In one way, I hope Gabriel does accept the money, because then you’ll have all of those children and cancer patients on your conscience, and you’ll never be able to forgive yourself. You and Gabriel are just as bad as each other.
2. You’re talking like I don’t know that book is disgraceful.
3. It’s a trout. Grow up, get a life. You’ll have ruined the lives of all those kids and cancer sufferers and their families for the sake of a fish. Get over it. There are other fish.
4. I’m not a ‘human thing’. I have a name. Use it.
Right, I need to go and find something that’s bad for me, preferably something with lots of caffeine and sugar.
-Poppy
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