Re: Life and Death
Wow, it's all been happening for you hasn't it! Still, I beg to differ with you. You know, as all adult humans do, that your bodies do not last forever (yet). Being in love, like everything else is something you do in the 'now' moment. It's the feeling you have for someone. The probability is that there are fewer 'now' moments remaining for you and Jack than there might otherwise have been. So make the best of them, enjoy them. You might follow his example, he's faced with a situation in which he cannot escape, which will eventually end his life. Still, he manages to do the things he wants to, and he remains positive because he has faith in me. Of course, most of the things he believes in are wrong, but not at the core of the matter. He's going to heaven, doesn't even need to be saved. He says he hopes I'll forgive him, which of course is impossible since there is nothing to forgive.
You can rest assured that nobody up here is manipulating your life. I've checked. They like to watch, but they're not actually doing anything. In any case, you did the right thing. You went to see Jack, realised you can't waste time and started a new relationship. It's only a pity that more humans don't realise you might not have time to waste in matters like this, cancer or not.
Crying's not a bad thing when there's something to cry about. Most people are not yet at the point where they can help it, and that's ok. You seem to have made the right decision despite your strong feelings, not to cut him out. It would serve no useful purpose at this point, and you'd only have felt worse by doing it.
I would remind you though, that you've felt you had nothing to live for before. You got over it once, through another. You can do so again. Jack's soul has simply decided it's had enough of the experience, and would like to move out sooner rather than later. Like he said in his email, Jack's consciously reluctant to let it happen because of the people that would get hurt by it. Always though, his soul will get the final say. That's nothing to be upset about, he's close to returning to the source, he'll have completed his purpose in this life.
If it's any comfort though, these types of things do happen to other people. As a rough estimate, 155,000 people die per day from various causes, many of which with current technology are quite avoidable. Still, more people are being born than are dying.
It might feel like a long time, but a weeks a week. You'll see him plenty before he dies, and you'll get the rather fascinating experience of being intimate with someone who's dying. Try to look at it as a sort of challenge, to see how well you can cope. You might surprise yourself.
Still, there's no need to be alone. There are always more fish in the sea, as humans say for some reason. Go and find them when Jack's in hospital, you can never have enough friends, assuming they're good ones. Of course, that comes with time, but you can make a start. If there's nothing else in your life, put something there. One thing I would suggest though, is you shouldn't rely on relationships to make you happy.
It is easy to lose yourself in somebody (or a group of somebody's) and rely on that. This method however, limits your own personality and uniqueness, and thus limits your potential experiences further than they might otherwise be. Try to find a way of being happy with yourself.
And don't worry about your keyboard, with 5 volts, it's unlikely you'll start a fire even if one of the tears did land on the little electric circuit in there.
-----Original Message-----
From: Complaints Department [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]
Sent: 02 July 2008 11:59
To: God
Subject: FW: Honesty
There you see?
People pretend to be nice, but as soon as they get something more important to do (like washing their hair or something equally trivial) they're all like "Sod Camael, why should anyone care about her?".
Of course, I suppose I can't expect any better...
And of course, even now you're better off than me. You have something you think would be bad to lose, I don't have anything in the first place. Unless anyone's interested in buying multiple people's vomit by the truckload, could probably make a good go of that. Just have to ask them to dance with me...
Well, I suppose it could be worse...
No typing that didn't help at all, Michael's silly idea that was. He likes to pretend the little tidbits he emails out to a load of people are for everyone, but they're obviously aimed at me. Maybe I'm being too harsh though, it might actually help, if it could actually be any worse...
Love and light are things that affect other people,
Camael
Signature - I'm not always this depressed... Except when I feel, think or do anything really...
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