Hlp me o lord

To: Poppy
Re: Help me lord

Dear Generic Human Creature (Intelligence level 211): Female, Teenager, Non-Gestating.

Well, first off thanks for writing. Especially so in light of the use of decent grammar and punctuation. Not like most people do in an email (or even in spoken language) it must be said. Mainly since you did such a great job of it, and somewhat because it was obviously from the heart, I have decided to reply personally. Not many humans get this kind of response, and I'm sure when you read this you'll be properly humbled.

How's this for a sign huh? We've decided to do the 'direct' route this time, the old dreams and strange people giving you advice that makes you think later just isn't doing so well lately. We try this once every couple thousand years or so, last time it didn't go down too well. Poor sod ended up thinking the world was flat and created in 7 days. When Gabriel did that she didn't realise he had no idea what fast forward meant, least that's what she says...

Anyway, the first real point you brought up was how you were told lots of stories at Sunday school as a child about all the good God's done for the world. I must admit, I'm not quite sure which stories you're referring to. There seem to be a lot of things about God and all of creation that humans have got wrong.

The first one (obviously) is the creation of the Heavens and the Earth. In this story, I make a lovely planet full of lovely things. However, I create the inherently imperfect beings Adam and Eve (imperfect because they were susceptible to temptation), waits until they consume the one fruit I tell them not to and punish them both, and every single generation afterwards for no apparent reason. Furthermore, when I created Adam I used clay from the ground, whereas to create Eve, for some unknown reason, required me to sedate Adam and remove one of his ribs. Add to that the fact that because there were only two humans at the start, I forced inbreeding on your entire species (then later, expressly forbid it).

Or, perhaps you mean the heart touching story of Noah and his ark. In this story, I saw that the world was full of sin, with the exception of Noah and his immediate family. So I thought about it and decided that the best way to avoid sin was to commit mass genocide and drown everyone else. Of course, that would wipe out the animals too, so I bade Noah build a massive ark to contain two of each species, that they would go on to repopulate them. Of course, all of the other animals were completely expendable. I forced mass inbreeding (again) with Noah's family, only this time every single species of animal would have to inbreed too. Now obviously, instead of just making the water appear all at once and making Noah's ark levitate high enough to be on top of it, it had to rain for 40 days and 40 nights, so all the sinners could run around trying to get away from the water before finally drowning. After this, I figure maybe that was too harsh or something, and change the laws of physics a bit to allow for the creation of rainbows. That's a sign you see, a sign that I will not do it again. One might ask why I did it in the first place, for would it not be a simple matter for God to simply erase such sinners from existence, without the horror of drowning them all?

Noah's inbreed descendants then go on to accomplish great things. At this time, all humans spoke the same language, and were all working together. They decided they would build a tower that would reach into heaven itself! Such a high aim, and yet, I thought they just might do it. Nay said I, I will change their languages so they will get confused and pissed off and quit working on the tower. This I did and it worked perfectly. So what lesson might we learn from that? That humans are to work against each other and not together? Sounds a bit strange does it not? Now look at the way humans act in your world, and you will find they've learned that 'lesson' all right.

One of our favourites is the story of Jonah and the Whale, where I ask of Jonah to go to the city of Ninevah, and let the sinners there (don't seem to be able to get rid of them huh?) know that I know they're sinners. Jonah uses his free will to flee via a boat, and I take away his free will via a storm and then a whale that I send to swallow him and forcibly deliver him to Ninevah.

Naturally, these are but 4 examples of many many stories. All of them however, describe a God who is... Well, in human terms he'd be a war criminal at the very least. Now Jesus on the other hand is a much less violent expresser of God's will. In these stories, you'll notice a pattern. God is generally some kind of mass murdering maniac, while God's followers are generally quite nice people (nothing however, is said of Jesus' teenage years). So according to the lovely New Testament, I decided that humans deserved a chance at redemption for my initial mistake after all, but obviously, being the God I am, someone had to die. This time though, only one person had to die, but he was going to go pretty horribly. I mean what are we saying here? That I sent my son to die horribly and that somehow makes my previous piss up's right?!

You probably get the idea by now. Humans, especially those who follow an organised religion describe a God who does the most appalling things! This they call God's plan. It is the plan of someone who is emotionally needy, unstable and generally a vicious spiteful git. But then, looking at your planet, I can see why your kind might portray me in such a way. As you've said, you're realising what I've NOT done for the world. After all, evil still exists, people still rape and murder each other, destroy the environment and generally try to push themselves above everyone else, regardless of the people getting trodden on.

Where is it you think this 'evil' comes from? Think you that I create it? Or that I, in my omniscience created Satan to do it, that I might then be able to say, wasn't me? We created humans to have free will; the evil in the world comes from human beings. It is because, human beings choose to commit evil. The man who ran over your mother because he was drunk, the boyfriend who cheated on you, all of the people who have in some way or another affected you in a negative way did so because either they choose consciously to do it, or because they made poor decisions and it was the natural result. Of all the species on your world, humans are the ones who have the most effect on it. If the world is a 'horrible place' it is because your species have made it that way, not I. Nor did I target you specifically, and 'take' you mother and Damien from you. Besides, you'll get to see her again, and one day, Damien will learn his lesson.

Why did I make people like [person you don't like here]? Well, I didn't exactly. What I created were basically blank slates with the ability to reason and learn. You yourself used to be one of these a long time ago. As to your beliefs, humans have nothing but the most base of genetic imperatives when they are born. There's a reason for that, we wanted you to grow and learn and create your own destiny. Do you think I created you that you might fall to your knees and pray to me? I mean it was funny the first few times but seriously, I get enough of that up here.

You've had a lot of 'negative' experiences in your life, but they've all been for a grand purpose. Evil must exist for good to have something to relate to, just as with hot to cold, thin to fat, love and fear. How can a soul know itself to be forgiving if they've never been done any wrong? You're learning, you're getting better and stronger. Don't force yourself to repeat this life under karmic law 31 times by killing yourself. You think you've got it bad in this life? Try another 558 years with it.

Many Thanks,

God

-----Original Message-----

From: Complaints Department [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]

Sent: 23 April 2008 22:23

To: God

Subject: FW: Help me lord

We think this is probably the one to do the personal reply experiment on, has all the qualities we were looking for, just been dumped, depressed, distanced from parents ect... Lol, she's even put it on the internet thing, called a blog. Make it nice and easy to find, and get the message out a bit at the same time.

Love, light and medical experiments,

Gabriel

Signature - There'll be time for explanations later. And hopefully, some sex!

-----Original Message-----

From: Poppy [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]

Sent: 23 April 2008 21:47

To: Complaints Department

Subject: Help me lord

Dear God,

I’ve always believed in you [snipped]