Wednesday, August 27, 2008

To: God
Re: Uncertainty

Spending my life with the people I love would be a decent use of my life, but that gets messed up every time. I hate my life and not being able to know what’s going to happen in six months’ time. I hate how much uncertainty there is in my life. My life story could have been written by Shakespeare, because it always seems to end in tragedy. People like to watch it, but it sucks for the people involved.

I don’t want to be an adult. What I wouldn’t give to be 8 years old again. When I was 8 was the best time of my life. It’s the only time I can remember being happy for a proper length of time. Life never used to be this complicated. No dying boyfriends and exes texting and phoning me to get away from their fianc├ęs. Damien phones me almost every day now, but I don’t answer it unless Jack isn’t there, so it’s not often. Damien still doesn’t know about Jack dying. I don’t want to tell him. It hurts to say, and I’m sure Damien will see it as a spark of hope for him.

You know as well as I do the world will never run on reason and love. I wish it did, but it’s just not the government’s way. Not the proper way, anyway. There’s no love in the government apart from love for money and power, and reason only comes into play when they’re trying to figure out the best way they can fleece money out of people or what to tax. Unity will never happen either. Even when they start things like the EU and the UN and any other acronym, they start getting stupid about it. The keyword is union, so why are the EU being so stupid about how one country is allowed in and another isn’t. It’s a union of European countries, right? So why should one European country be allowed in and not another?

Of course nobody’s going to stop buying lottery tickets, there’s obscene amounts of money to be won! Normal people love money almost as much as the government does. That’s how it all works. The government make money out of the lottery, the lottery make a huge profit while giving the impression of helping good causes to encourage people to buy more tickets, because there’s a one in a billion chance they could hit the jackpot. No wonder Richard Branson’s bid to buy the lottery and give all the takings to good causes was refused. How would the government make money from that?

As if the government would ever bring in a law where sellers had to tell their buyers their profit margins. Sellers would start charging less so customers like them for their low profit margins, and that would mean they had less money coming in from VAT!

I don’t know if it’s actually the government going that way, or whether it’s just me getting older and more aware and they’ve always been that way, but the government seem to be getting worse by the day. I swear they never used to be as bad as they are now.

The next generation is never going to change. By the time one generation is ready to change the next, they’re already too far gone to do anything. Maybe one day, if I have kids (not that I can see me ever having kids at the moment), I might teach them differently, but that’s just my kids. Nobody else will teach their kids any different, and it’s impossible for the next generation to change the world when the current generation is running it. By the time the next generation get the chance to run the world, they have already been corrupted and continue to run the world the way their parents did.

Well, you don’t have to worry about me and Jack. We’re not going to get married, as much as I wish we could. It wouldn’t change anything between us anyway. Neither of us could love the other more, and it seems a bit pointless to me now. If it wasn’t for Jack dying, marriage would be my dream, but it only lasts so long. Til death us do part. When I look at my life now, there’s only one really unbearable thing in it, and that’s Jack dying. If someone could wave a magic wand and stop Jack dying, I’d be able to live with the rest, because Jack makes me so happy I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I can’t. That’s what I think about every second of every day. When I’m with Jack, I’m so happy I can just about ignore it because I’m enjoying myself enough, but then when I’m alone I get like I am now and start getting upset and wound up at little things like the government and how Jack said he’d come down to my place in 20 minutes and it’s been 22 minutes now. That’s why every message I write is so pessimistic and depressing, because I can’t write it while Jack’s with me. The world doesn’t seem so bad when Jack’s here.

I’m looking forward to and dreading this Friday. On the plus side, I’m getting my bandage taken off, which I can’t wait for because it’s been irritating me so much now, but Jack’s going in for chemo again, which means I have to spend another week without him. Even if I stay with him at the hospital all day Friday, there’s still a whole six days without him. I barely have time to get over missing him for a week and then the next thing I know another three weeks have gone and he’s going back into chemo again. I don’t know where this summer has gone. The most amazing summer of my life, but it’s just gone. I suppose it’s better than next week though. Emily’s going back to school next week, and Jack’s mum teaches at the college, so she’s not going to be here during the day either. It’s going to just be me and Jack home alone (although I will tell you I’ve just broken into an involuntary smile at that thought, but I don’t know why).

I’ve just finished speaking to Damien, I think he’s figured out what time of day I’m most likely to be away from Jack and so most likely to answer my phone. Michelle’s really enjoying planning this wedding by the sound of it, and Damien’s absolutely hating it. Michelle wants to get married on Valentine’s day. She’d have it sooner, but she wants to be able to lose the weight she’ll have gained from having this baby. It almost makes me want to feel sorry for Damien, although I know he’s getting everything he deserves now.

Gabriel, that’s not a moral code. Moral codes have morals in them! Even Damien has more morals than that! I honestly can’t believe some of the things you come out with sometimes.

If we were going by human standards, you’re not nice at all. People have been put in jail for considerably less than what you’re doing to me. The more I tell you to stop watching me in the shower, the more fun you think it is. You’re the whole reason I never have a bath instead any more and don’t bother with conditioner like I used to either.

That doesn’t make sense to me. How did the angel of war manage to turn into a nice guy while the angel of trout is a right…I don’t have a word to describe him that isn’t a swear word.

500,000?!?!?!? I was expecting you to say a few hundred at the most. That really is getting uncomfortable now. Sometimes I probably wouldn’t mind, but there are other times I just want some privacy. Do you people have nothing better to do? Isn’t watching me and Jack kiss all day getting boring by now? I guess I can at least count on the fact that you were watching me when we went to the beach on Monday.

If you were that great, you’d know when to stop.


To: Poppy
Re: Excuses

An excuse like that is fine for a child, but not for one who is supposed to be an adult. At this point, you should look to be making your own life story. That's not to say that most humans do, but it would be a decent use of your life. Responsibility is something that humans take too much of for their own good, especially so since it's entirely up to you how much (or how little) you take.

Most people would like to believe they'd push the 'world peace' button too, but those who would do so are few in your society. Most, like you, would not be sure, even when confronted with the decision directly. Some would choose to be happy without hesitation, but fortunately for your society there are not 'too' many who would. If there was, humanity would have long since been destroyed. As it is, it's only heading that way.

The keys to solving your worlds problems lie in reason and love. All it takes for wars to end is an agreement to stop killing each other. Eventually, your people will have to realise they are one species, and restructure government accordingly. Mild attempts have been made to do this, and despite its reputation the United States is one such country that has unified fairly well. The European Union is a rather less successful attempt (currently) to do the same, and the UN is a rather small attempt for further unity. If people care about their race, and can use logic to solve their problems, your world might be much improved.

Of course, an organisation such as the lottery can do what it likes (within reason) with the money it earns. If the people don't like it, they really ought to stop buying the tickets! Again, this problem comes under the 'people don't care enough' category, and so while people like to complain about it that doesn't stop enough of them buying the tickets to ensure millions upon millions of pounds of profit. Of course, the Olympics is another good example of people's foolish priorities.

When it comes to money and profit, it would be interesting if there was a law stating that anyone selling any product had to put the profit margin on the price ticket as well as the cost.

There will always be extremists in any group, not just religion. Of course, religion makes it easy for people because a lot of the holy texts can be interpreted almost any way one cares to. Again, the solution lies in the education of the next generation, for the current one is already too far gone. If humanity put its efforts into raising children who care about the planet more than getting rich, then your world might survive. It'd be nice if you stopped using things like fossil fuels now that you have access to better alternatives such as nuclear energy too, might stop some of the pollution.

When people fall in love this is usually how they feel, but it is an illusion. It is an easy experience (not to mention a pleasant one assuming the partner feels the same) to fall into, but the conditions humans apply to love make it something else. It becomes more like a contract than anything. Still, people like to imaging I bless such events and so they get married in churches.

As for Damien, he can't see beyond the moment. If he could, he might realise that marrying someone under threat of castration probably isn't the best way to live his life. Running away as fast as he can might lead to a better experience for him, and will certainly be better than the one waiting for him when Michelle discovers he's still cheating on her.

-----Original Message-----
From: Complaints Department [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]
Sent: 19 August 2008 20:02
To: God
Subject: FW: 'Great' Britain

Well, that's the right and proper thing to do under your moral code, or humanities or whatever. However, my moral code says I really ought to do exactly as I like and everyone else can send their complaints to the nearest brick wall of their convenience.

When people live their lives like that you get to know the reality of people, rather than the mask. Course, I'm quite nice really by human standards, which is not saying much I know but it's all you have to compare it with...

Gavreel? He's the angel of war, he likes to get different species at each other's throats. Tends not to bother with people of the same species anymore, apparently the explosions aren't big enough. Nice guy though.

Well, at any given time there's not that many people watching, but over a time period, say a day, maybe 500,000 or so. Depends on what's happening at the time.

It is different for angels though, we're bound by our experiences. Humans have the choice as to what to do with their lives, and most of them still choose to screw each other over. Gavreel has to be involved in war, he can't change that. In fact, just being around him makes most people get really angry for no apparent reason, he's really no good on the negotiating table. Just like people feel depressed around Camael, or insanely lustful around me. That might just be because I'm so great though.

Still, we do have choices. Raphael doesn't have to be a complete git to be obsessed with trout, he just is. I on the other hand, do have to watch you in the shower, because it's the perverse thing to do, especially when you're asking me not to.

As for screwing them, I do think that's better than just trying to make money or become more powerful. It's also more fun!

Love, light and medical experiments,

Signature - There'll be time for explanations later. And hopefully, some sex!

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

To: God
Re: 'Great' Britain

I used to trust that the Bible was going to help me through life, since I’m not known for making good decisions. The Bible practically raised me, since I didn’t have any parents to do it, and even when Mum was there, the Bible was a big part of my life. After Mum died, Dad was never going to make any decisions for me (I remember when the school called Dad in after Mum died when I was failing at school, and they said they wanted to hold me back a year. I don’t think he could have cared less about what they wanted to do with me). Once Mum died, I had so much responsibility thrust onto me, responsibility I wasn’t ready for, and I still can’t handle most of it now. I was thrown in at the deep end, and I still haven’t managed to make my way to the surface yet. I know, it’s probably a terrible excuse, but I never really learnt how to be responsible and make my own decisions.

The problem is, everyone is so selfish, very few of the goals people have can be integrated into society, because society is capitalistic and repressive, and because their goals are greedy and selfish. Very few people see past society to figure out what they really want, and even then, their goals are impossible. I look at myself. I don’t know what I really want out of life, I just know I want to be happy. If I was put in a room with two buttons, one that would make me happy and another one that would make there be world peace, and I could only press one, I honestly don’t know which button I’d press. There’s one side of me that would say world peace hands down, but then there’s another part of me, probably the more dominant part, that would want to press the button that would make me happy. I like to think I’d press the world peace button, but I don’t have that faith in myself. After my life so far, I think I’d press the happiness button. I’m a minority there too – I expect most people would press the happiness button straight away without a thought about the world peace button. That’s just the way humanity is. Although people do have humanity’s interests at heart, they’re nothing compared to their own interests.

Wouldn’t surprise me if they did make pigs that could fly one day, and they’d probably spend millions doing it too, despite the fact there are so many good causes out there that could really use the money, but no, pigs that fly would be so much more important. Me and Jack were watching the news last night, and they were talking about the Olympics and saying how much lottery money has gone into it and how it’s helped us win more medals. Yeah, medals are great, but this is money that could have gone to good causes! Money that was supposed to go to good causes. They were saying how so many years ago, they spent 6 million pounds of lottery money on the Olympics, and they came back with hardly any medals. This year, they spent 22 million and look how many medals they’ve won! In 2012, they plan on spending 600 million (yes, this is on top of the billions they’ve spent in taxpayer’s money building the Olympic village). Yeah, great, we’re winning medals, but do they have any idea how much difference 600 million could make to so many people’s lives? It makes me feel sick. The Lottery has a pretty twisted idea of what constitutes a good cause (there was an article in the paper a while ago about how Lottery money has gone to help people in prison learn to play the xylophone and do painting or something), but they do find some genuine causes too.

The Olympics get on my nerves too, and how all of a sudden they’re the best thing since sliced bread because we’re winning this year (thanks to 22 million pounds that could have been spent on much better things than teaching youngsters to jump over a bar and to run faster). Yesterday’s Daily Mail actually made me laugh. On the front page, written in the biggest font size I’ve ever seen in a newspaper, the words ‘Great to be British!’ because we won 8 gold medals over the weekend. Then you open the paper, and wonder if it really is great to be British based on the headlines. Page 2 talks about how witness intimidation is on the rise, page 4 is about how life saving drugs are being made too expensive by fat cat bosses and how some politician faces the sack for suggesting that obscenely rich people should pay more tax, then there’s four whole pages about the Olympics, with Paula Radcliffe in floods of tears because she didn’t win, after that on page 10, a bitch fight between unions and companies about maternity leave, page 11 has councils skimping on rubbish collections. Further on in, there’s all sorts of things – CCTV spying on kids in their classrooms, knife crime claims two more people, more credit crunch, companies ripping off customers by charging the same price for smaller products, Terry Pratchett speaking out because the government is so tight they won’t pay £2.50 a day to save people with Alzheimer’s from not being able to live their lives, oh look, more credit crunch, the government ripping off motorists on two pages in a row in two separate articles, baby saved by caesarean after mother was battered by a gang, people eating too much junk, and I’m still only half way through the newspaper. Is it still great to be British? Or is this some new definition of ‘great’ that I wasn’t aware of?

Oh look at me, I’m so easy to wind up. I’m probably making up for all the other people who don’t care.

I wish people of different religions could be more accepting of each other, rather than trying to convert each other and starting wars on each other. The thing I find most sad about it all is how these terrorists are making regular Muslims look really bad. A minority is spoiling it for the majority. I did pretty good in GCSE RS, since I only had to pay attention to the Islam parts because I knew all the Christianity parts already, and I know that nowhere in the Koran does it say that it’s alright to kill. The problem is that extremists have twisted their religion to their own purposes and now they believe that not only is it okay to kill, Allah has commanded them to murder everyone in the west and they’ll go to Paradise if they do so. I also know that Muslim women don’t have to wear the burkha and cover everything - normal clothes are fine as long as they’re not too tight and they wear a headscarf with it, but Muslim women still wear the burkha and then complain when they are alienated and not accepted by society. You can’t integrate if you never show anyone your face. Even I have trouble thinking about Muslim women as actual people when they dress like that, and I think I’m a lot more accepting than the majority of people. Then all the Muslims complain about how society sees them, uses it as an excuse to bomb more people, then people are even more alienated from them because all of their friends have been killed by members of what should have been a relatively peaceful religion, and the cycle goes on.

People are so different, we’ll never have one mind and one purpose. Everyone is so selfish, everyone aims for that, and since everyone else has different things that make them happy (although they usually involve money in some capacity), it all goes wrong. I totally agree with what you said about pollution. I’m sure a lot of people would stop polluting if companies and the government didn’t make it so difficult and impossible in some cases. They have electric cars that don’t pollute at all, but the oil companies don’t want to release them. Public transport cuts pollution quite a bit, but buses are few and far between, they’re always cutting the number of services there are while charging more for tickets (probably because the government aren’t doing much to help the price of fuel), and the situation with trains isn’t much better because most people have to get a bus to the train station. It’s not in the government’s interests to really do anything in this situation, because it all costs money, while a clean, healthy environment isn’t going to bring them in any money. Okay, so people might get diseases due to pollution, but the cost of treating those people isn’t even close to the amount of money it would cost to clean up the environment.

I’ve never met anyone else even remotely like Jack. If there is someone out there, they’re certainly well hidden. It just feels wrong right now to be thinking of someone else, since I can’t see how anyone can replace Jack. Jack is just perfect. I couldn’t love him any more than I do. I can’t imagine being able to feel that way about anyone else after Jack is gone.

I’d notice if Dad left. I dream of the day. I probably wouldn’t notice as much now since I’ve been sleeping at Jack’s house, since it’s at night I really notice his presence (he’s been bringing home the same woman every night for three weeks now, screwing the hell out of her every night. I hear them sometimes and just want to shout ‘Shut up! Don’t you have work tomorrow?’. That’s why it’s Jack’s house every night now. It’s a shame, because there’s a double bed in the spare room which would be perfect, but I don’t want to bring Jack here while Dad’s home). I made sure there was enough food in the house to last Dad the week and took the rest of the money I would have spent on my own food to London with me. If I hadn’t done that, I’m sure he’d notice me not there, or at least he’d notice that there was no food in the cupboards. I don’t think he did notice me gone, because I noticed the dishwasher hadn’t been used at all since I’d gone, since I’m normally the one to turn it on. He normally just piles up his dishes inside and waits for me to decide it’s full enough to turn it on. He knows very well how to use it, but leaves it to me. If he had noticed me not there, he would have turned it on.

I heard from Damien yesterday. He was on MSN and I kind of had a go at him because he was really trying my patience, but he’s going to marry Michelle, and Kirsty still doesn’t know anything about Michelle. Seriously, that guy has no morals at all. Kirsty’s the one I feel sorry for in all of this. She has no idea. I was like that for a long time, probably longer than I’d like to think. I can’t understand Michelle. I don’t know how she can find out about Damien cheating and think marrying him is the answer. Does she think that’s going to keep him any more faithful? I can’t see their marriage lasting long. Damien told me he hates Michelle. Not the best foundation for a marriage. I told him marriage is supposed to be for life, but he’s too much of a coward to stand up to Michelle. Apparently, all Michelle talks about now is the wedding and she’d cut his nuts off at the very least if he even suggested that the wedding was off. I told him that was something I’d pay good money to see. It descended into bickering after that point, but I look back and read that conversation now, and I realise I was totally to blame for that. He actually wanted to talk to me, and all I did was have a go at him. I feel like I should apologise, but I don’t want to let him know I feel bad about it because he’ll keep coming back if I do.

No Gabriel, the right and proper thing to do would be to stop. If you leave me with anyone else, even if it’s not Camael, I’ll have to ask them to hit you because I know you well enough by now to know that you wouldn’t stop, even if you weren’t specifically saying you were doing anything. For your sake, don’t leave me with Raphael.

Don’t leave me with Gavreel. I can’t remember what he’s the angel of, but I remember Camael telling me about him once to demonstrate that there were worse angels than Raphael (and I find it hard to imagine how anyone can be worse than Raphael). I’m really trying to be happy at the moment, and I’m really sensitive when surrounded by negativity. I don’t need it to be made any harder than it already is.

Getting pretty close? Just how many people are watching me? It’s starting to get uncomfortable now.

One tenth would be considered nice – that means 90% of you are horrible. You can say that about humans, but it’s not much different to you. All humans seem to be worried about is getting what they want and don’t worry about anyone else, and it’s the same with you. I still get angry just thinking about Raphael, and you still won’t stop watching me no matter what I say. You say all the human race concentrates on is their chance to screw everyone over, but all you worry about is your chance to just screw with them, as opposed to screwing over.

I did miss you while you were gone though. In a strange way, you cheer me up.


To: Poppy

Re: Life's Paths

Quite simply you could be, or at least pretend to be, a Christian again. You'd be lying to yourself, but then millions of humans across the world do that in religion every day, and most of the rest do it through some means or another. A lot of humans tend to think that if they just have someone or something to tell them exactly how to live their lives they'll be ok, and God forbid (usually literally) that they should make their own decisions on such things. There's a reason that Christian followers are known as 'the flock'. Of course, this behaviour comes courtesy of human parents, who forever try to decide things for their children. Such feelings persist into adulthood, and people feel safer when the responsibility is taken from them. At the other end of the spectrum are those that are taught the only way forward is to do it themselves, and they become the Politicians, Arch Bishop's and gang leaders of society. Few on your planet have the ability to choose their own life's goals, then to be able to integrate that with society as it is. That is what could solve the problems on your world, not turning people into religious sheep or dictators speaking the 'word of God'.

You can almost guarantee that somewhere along the way someone will genetically modify pigs to be able to fly, most likely when it becomes easier and cheaper to modify the genetic code and some scientist has a point to prove. The point is it can happen under proper control, or it can happen by the hand of someone who doesn't have the human races best interests at heart. For it to be the first choice, major changes will have to take place in the attitudes of the people in general.

At the moment government has set up the illusion of democracy, though not on purpose. Most individual people (even politicians) do believe in democracy, although they see its flaws. Many will try to make it work for them by finding loopholes, but very few see it as a means to maintain an iron grip on the people in general. With groups however, it's a different matter. Groups can support actions that most individuals would consider abhorrent. For example, Hitler could not have risen to power to do the things he did without the support of the public. Nor could Tony Blair, for that matter. The people support those they feel will make their lives better, and politicians know it. Make taxes go down, or earnings go up and the people will love them for it, even if they're sponsoring technically illegal wars to fund it.

The people with power to change things are the people, but to do it they must be of one mind and purpose. Of course, people disagree, based on what's good for them, what religion they serve and even to the point of what colour their skin is. Religions don't make peace, this has been proven over the centuries, and is being proven now by some in the Muslim community (amongst others). Politics don't make peace, this has also been proven, and continues to do so. In the end, people make peace, by agreeing not to kill each other. That, is really all it takes.

Of course, the government not being totally out of touch is aware that taxing things is not a vote winner, and yet they do it anyway. So one can make the assumption that they are not doing it in an attempt to make people like them. The truth of the matter is there is such a lack of efficiency in all of the services the government provides (look at your NHS for example) that they are getting desperate for new income. They make cutbacks in an attempt to delay what is getting inevitable, but has the opposite effect. At the moment, there's very little concern about actual important things like the fact they're polluting the planet enough to ensure humanities end. Humans seem to think it's ok if they're dead in 50 years, because they'll be rich!

Still, there are plenty of people who complain, believing they're the only ones to see the problems in the world. Doesn't really seem to accomplish anything but oh well...

Whether you have another boyfriend after Jack is up to you, but there are others, there are always others. Most people are not so unique as to have only a few others out of billions of humans that are compatible with them.

You are not Camael, there are always positive outcomes. You just have to work with your soul and choose some of them. You've already done so in fact, you obviously had a good time in London with Jack, except for the play reminding you of your mum. It's nice to see you and Jack have another thing in common, your taste in music. It's also nice to know you'll have plenty of photo's to remember the events.

It's a pity about your Dad not saying anything, but one feels compelled to ask whether you would say anything were your Dad to disappear for a week.

-----Original Message-----

From: Complaints Department [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]
Sent: 14 August 2008 20:49
To: God
Subject: FW: Journeys and Destinations

Well, in light of that I think the only right and proper thing for me to do would be to not tell you what I'm going to do. Still, I'm thinking it's probably best if I don't leave you with her if I can help it... Maybe Gavreel or someone instead. Still, we'll see what happens.

Course, humans always think they've got it so bad. They are pretty much like in the soaps, or at least they feel like it a lot. It's a stupid reaction, you should all just accept life as it is or if you can't, make it into what you want. You've got to move fast through life, so fast that you're practically there already, and when you get there it's time to move on.

Hey, about you not attracting millions of viewers, you're getting pretty close!

Hmm, nice angels... Well like you say there's Michael, but about one tenth of us would be considered nice by most humans. Just one of those things, humans have different priorities to us. They seem to think they're only alive to wait for their chance to screw each other over to get what they want.

Love, light and medical experiments,

Signature - There'll be time for explanations later. And hopefully, some sex!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

To: God

Re: Journeys and Destinations

Well, if there’s no specific point to being human and you say I should find my own, why shouldn’t I just forget everything that’s gone on these past few months (I really wish I could sometimes) and be a Christian again? It gave my life meaning, and it was working for me until you came along. In fact, it was the only thing that got me through a lot of very difficult times. It might not be a point that I came up with myself, but it was a point that was working, and my soul always seems to thwart any other points that end up creeping into my life.

There are a lot of things like that that aren’t technically impossible, but they’re so highly unlikely I don’t even think there’s a word for it. They could genetically modify pigs to have wings so they could fly too, you know.

The government are a lot smarter than people give them credit for though. They’ve set up this country perfectly to ensure that nobody is able to oust them from power. There’s never going to be a revolution because nobody has the time or money to be able to revolt long enough to make a difference. While people are trying to change the world, they still need to eat, bills still need to be paid and the world goes on. The political system is also set up so only people who are on the government’s side are allowed in, so there’s never going to be any real change. It’s not about your views or anything like that, it’s about having friends in high places, and it’s unlikely that any of those people in high places are going to have friends below them with the right kind of radical views.

The only people with the power to chance anything are mostly rich people who: A – are out of touch with the real world do see no need for change, and B – don’t want to change the system anyway because the system benefits them.

You can say what you like about religion, but if people still lived on religious principles like ‘love thy neighbour’ and ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’, then the world wouldn’t be the greedy free-for-all it is.

I don’t even think this planet is going to last long enough for the people who actually care about it enough to give up and leave for another planet. People pollute so much. We’re all going to be underwater from the melting ice caps soon, but nobody really cares, or at least they won’t until they find their homes flooded, and even then they’ll just move somewhere else. The government tax the hell out of cars and petrol and other polluting things and claim it’s to reduce pollution, but it doesn’t work. This government thinks the solution to every problem is to tax it. I wish they’d learn it doesn’t work. It just annoys everyone and makes everyone but the government worse off. It wouldn’t be so bad if they were going to channel the money into environmental charities or planting trees or even a non-environmental good cause, but I can’t see where it’s going other than their pockets.

That’s what this horrible planet is like. Everyone just trying to one-up each other. I mean, seriously, look at the news recently. Everything that’s going on with Georgia and Russia and all anyone’s worried about is how we messed up in the diving in the Olympics. Oh boo hoo, get over it. Still, it’s all the same principle, I suppose. One country being able to say they’re better than another, because everyone just getting along would be too easy. So, some countries are apparently better at diving than us. Big deal. It won’t make any difference, at least, not until half the country is underwater. It doesn’t matter that they have better health services and lower fuel prices too. Can we start a contest on that?

Oh, and while I’m ranting (because I’m getting into this now) and on the topic of fuel prices and pollution, companies like Shell and Esso and BP suck. They have things like electric and water powered cars and all sorts of other types of fuel that pollute less or not at all. Why do they not stop selling oil based fuel? Sure, it pollutes, but there’s too much money to be made from it. They want to milk the oil business for everything that it’s worth before they move onto other less damaging but less profitable avenues. They want to make billions rather than millions. They don’t do anything with the money either, it just sits in a bank account somewhere.

I’ve been thinking about my feelings recently, while Jack was in hospital. I’ve wasted too much time being upset and hating the world while Jack’s been here. Having Jack not there for that week was horrible and made me realise how much I really need to appreciate the time I do have with him. I’ve got the rest of my life to hate the world and be sad and upset and angry at everything, but I’ve only got, at best, 5 months left with Jack. I need to make the most of the time I’ve got, and worry about the bit afterwards when the time comes. I’ve got the chance to be happy now, however brief it might be, and I need to make the most of it while I still can. It’s probably bad for my mental health to bottle up my feelings like that, but I’m sure with the things that have happened to me throughout my life, I’m messed up enough as it is. Not sure how much worse I can really get, so might as well.

I haven’t heard from Damien since then. I wonder what he’s said to Michelle. I normally hate it when he keeps phoning and texting me, but I’m curious to know, but I don’t want to phone him or I’ll end up giving him the impression that I care about him.

It’s easy for me to push Damien away now, since he’s been replaced with someone much better in every way than him. Being with Jack has made me wonder what I ever saw in Damien. There were so many things I used to (and still do) hate about Damien, but there’s nothing like that with Jack. I love everything about him. All his little quirks and mannerisms, I love them all. The way I can tell when he’s thinking about kissing me because he’s got that smile he does just before he does it, or the way he strokes my thumb with his when we’re holding hands. So many little things like that that make me smile when I think about them. Jack’s going to be an impossible act to follow. I really can’t see myself having another boyfriend after Jack. Nobody else is even near to being as perfect as he is.

This bandage on my arm is really starting to annoy me now. I want it off. I keep knocking my arm on things too and it really hurts. Jack finds it funny that we’re both going to be going into hospital together in two weeks when I have my bandage taken off and he goes in for chemo again.

Well yeah, but that only works where there actually are positive outcomes.

I’m totally worn out, but in a good way. Okay, let’s do this in order…

Jack got home about twelve o’clock last Thursday and came right to my house. He was more excited than I’d ever seen him before. He wanted to know if I’d packed my things ready to go, which I had, although it had been difficult since he had refused to tell me where we were going, so I didn’t really know what to pack or how much to pack, since he hadn’t told me how long we were going for either. We went back to his house for a bit so he could pack his things too and say hello to his mum and Emily before we left. We all had lunch together then Jack decided it was time to go. Emily didn’t want Jack to go away and leave her again. I’d learnt that week that Emily needs someone to play with a lot, and I’d been on the receiving end of that, not that I really minded. It gave me something to do that week. It was like reliving the glory days in some way, getting back the childhood which in large part I never had, although I’m surprised I have any hair left by now. She spent half the week braiding, plaiting, styling and just about everything else you can do with hair to me. She wants to be a hairdresser when she’s older. She’s nine years old and already knows what she wants in life. I’m eighteen and still don’t know.

Anyway, me and Jack eventually got out of the house and into the car, where we sat and kissed for quite a while, during which I noticed out of the corner of my eye that on his way home from hospital he’d completely filled his car with petrol, so that meant we were going a fair way. We finally stopped kissing and went on our way, because I think at least I was going to suffocate if we didn’t stop because I can’t breathe at all when I kiss Jack and my heart beats like it’s just run a marathon.

So, we got going and it wasn’t too long before we were on the motorway driving along. We stopped a few times at the services on the way there, me still not knowing where we were going. I’m sure one of my treasured memories of Jack will be when we stopped at one of the services and they had a play park and Jack thought it would be a really good idea if we went on the see-saw. We were both totally too old and too big, and Jack ended up falling off backwards, bringing me crashing down to the ground and I fell off too, and we had the giggles for about 20 minutes after that. Everyone was looking at us which made it even funnier. We got the giggles in the car later too and Jack had to pull over so he could stop giggling and drive properly. We weren’t even giggling about anything in particular in the end, we were just giggling at us giggling. It was so funny.

Four hours after we left home, we were in London. It was amazing. We did so much. We stayed in a really nice hotel, in the same room in the same bed. Jack wasn’t sure if I’d be comfortable sleeping with him properly, since up until now it’s always been half accidental (even if it has been pretty much every night), although I honestly don’t know how he could have thought I’d be uncomfortable sleeping with him at this point, given that we’ve done so pretty much every night at home. It’s not really a big step to do it on purpose and in pyjamas now. I insisted on sharing the same room with him, and with a double bed, not two singles. He didn’t seem too upset when I suggested that either. I wish he’d realise that I’m so unbelievably close to him that I’d do just about anything to stay close to him. I don’t think I’d be able to bear sleeping in a different bed to him when I know he’s right there.

It was great that night, sleeping in bed properly together, all cosy and warm under the bedsheets and talking and snuggling. Normally when we sleep together, it’s because one of us has fallen asleep on the other one’s bed, so it was nice to be all warm and comfortable and talking about different things. I honestly don’t know how we manage to find so much to talk about. If he didn’t stop to kiss me every so often, I’d probably end up losing my voice.

The next day was great. We went around and did loads of tourist stuff. We went and saw Big Ben and Buckingham Palace, and Windsor Castle with the changing of the guard and all that stuff. Westminster Abbey was such a beautiful building. I loved it. We went to see the houses of parliament too and there were a load of people protesting there. According to the locals, there are always people protesting there about something or other (and see how much difference it makes?). One woman chained herself to the gates, and it was quite interesting watching the police trying to remove her.

Saturday was good as well. We went on the London Eye, and you could see so far into the distance from the top, it was incredible. After that we went to Piccadilly Circus and then to Hamley’s to find a present for Emily. I wish I was a kid, because it was huge! The amount of different toys they had in there was just unbelievable. I found it hard enough trying to help Jack find something for Emily, I can’t imagine what it would have been like if I was a kid trying to pick one toy for myself. In the end, we got her one of those doll heads with the hair on them so next time Emily doesn’t have anyone to play with, at least my hair will get spared. I remember I used to have one of those doll heads when I was little. I think I got it for Christmas when I was eight. I cut all the hair off of it not long after Mum died. I ended up breaking a lot of my toys after Mum died, since I didn’t want to play with them any more. I had nothing to take out my anger on apart from my toys, so they nearly all got broken and ruined, and of course Dad never got me any more toys after that.

We went in Harrods too, and bought some little things just to say that we’d bought something in Harrods. It was so expensive and extravagant in there, I felt so totally out of place.

We went to Legoland on Sunday which was really good fun, even though it was insanely busy. Jack managed to get me on so many rides there that there would normally be no way I’d go on, but we had so much fun. They had a stunt show there with insane people doing things like throwing themselves off a lighthouse head first into the water below with a really childish but utterly gripping story behind it. I thought it looked terrifying to do, but Jack thought it would be the most awesome job in the world. Yeah, if you have a death wish…

On Monday we went to Madame Tussaud’s and then to The Dungeons where I unfortunately had plenty of opportunities to show off what a total scaredy cat I am (even more than on the rides at Legoland). I held onto Jack’s hand so hard all the way around there. I was quite glad to leave there by the end. Jack seemed to enjoy it though, which is what matters more.

Tuesday was my absolute favourite day by far. We went shopping in the morning in Covent Gardens where Jack ended up buying me the most beautiful necklace in the world. It’s so beautiful. It’s got a little ruby in the shape of a teardrop with 5 diamonds around it on a silver chain. I hate to think how much it cost, and Jack won’t tell me. I haven’t taken it off since. I told Jack how beautiful it was and he told me it’s no more beautiful than I am. He’s so romantic. He’s not afraid to tell me how much he loves me. Damien would never do anything like that in front of other people, let alone in a public place. It was all I could do to get Damien to put his arm around me sometimes if someone else was in the room. Jack will stop to kiss me in even the most crowded place. I love him so much.

We went to the west end after that and saw the matinee of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat which was absolutely fantastic, then that night we went to see The Phantom of the Opera, which was such a beautiful play. I’ve wanted to see the film ever since it came out, but I still haven’t been able to get enough money out of Dad to buy the DVD. It made me cry twice. There was so much I could really understand and appreciate in it. That part where Christine visits her father’s grave and sings that song had me in floods of tears. Every line in that song reminded me of Mum. That last bit too, it really sent me over the edge: “Too many years
fighting back tears, why can't the past just die? Wishing you were somehow here again, knowing we must say goodbye, try to forgive, teach me to live, give me the strength to try…”. That song could have been written for me, it fit so perfectly. Then at the end, when the Phantom was left all alone and the one person he loved and loved him left, I cried again. I couldn’t bear it. It was so strong. I’ve been watching clips of the film on Youtube since I got home, and it made me cry all over again. I need to get it on DVD. It might make me cry every time, but it’s such a beautiful (even if it is upsetting) story.

We meant to come home yesterday but we ended up going on a boat ride on the Thames, and by the time we were done with that it would have meant driving home in the dark, so we ended up staying another night and going to the Natural History Museum while we were there.

We spent today driving home again, which was good fun too. We only stopped at the services once this time. I brought my iPod with me and Jack plugged it into his CD player so that he could hear how bad my taste in music is. He actually really enjoyed listening to my music though. Damien was always trying to put his music on my iPod because he said my tastes in music were awful, not that I ever asked him to listen to it. Jack’s taken half of the songs on my iPod and put them on his own now too. We got home about three hours ago, and although we both had such a good time, I don’t think I could take much more excitement. I’m happy to be home again. I think I need a few days to recover from it all.

We’re going to go into town tomorrow to get all the photos we took developed. Jack bought a camera especially for it, and I really want to see the photos. We took loads. I hardly have any photos of Mum (Dad threw most of them out after she died, and I only managed to rescue a few), and when Jack’s gone I want to be able to look back at photos of him.

I also did a little experiment when I went. I didn’t tell Dad I was going. I was out of the house for seven days, and if he noticed I was gone, he hasn’t said anything. That’s comforting (being sarcastic, in case you can’t tell). I could be murdered in my own bedroom and he wouldn’t notice.

Gabriel, I asked Camael to hit you. If she takes it that far, it’s not my fault. If you start watching me again, I’ll ask her to do it again, and I won’t be held responsible for whatever she does. Maybe it’ll make you think twice next time. (Of course, your only way around it is to ensure you never leave me with Camael again so I can’t ask her, so I win either way).

My life sounds totally like some soap opera when you put it like that. My life is far too crazy to be real. My life’s not quite good enough for EastEnders though. It’s more depressing than entertaining. It would need to be more violent and sadistic to make it good enough for EastEnders. I never did like EastEnders, or any other soap opera for that matter. Now I think about it, they remind me of Camael. People complaining about their almost non-existent problems. I just want to say ‘You think you’ve got it bad? Get over it’. Recently though, I can appreciate these soap operas a bit more. They’re getting so extreme they’re unreal, so I can almost relate to it. The main difference between my life and soap operas though is that soaps are works of fiction, the product of mad, sadistic imaginations, whereas my bad luck is actually bad luck (although I do still wonder). That kind of stuff happens to me, and I don’t manage to attract millions of viewers.

If I’d known you were going to leave me with Camael for a month, I probably would never have suggested you visiting your kids. Especially if I had known that my world was going to collapse around me while you were gone. Camael made it even worse than it already was.

Are there any nice angels on this list? So far, everyone I’ve spoken to has either upset or really annoyed me, yourself included. I want it to be Michael’s turn. He makes me feel better.


Tuesday, August 12, 2008

To: Poppy

Re: The Good, the Bad, and Life

There is no specific point for humans. You have to make your own, that's part of the experience of humanity. Creating your own meaning of life, and changing it as you wish. If you want to 'waste' your life, go for it. If that doesn't satisfy you, you'll have to find another purpose. It might be easier for you to have a predefined point to life and set of rules, but that's not the point of being human.

Well, I didn't say it would happen. That fact doesn't stop the best and brightest of your world from creating such ideas though. Still, it's not impossible, those in power have lost it before because of their corruption and it could certainly happen again. Of course, the rich and powerful guard their riches and power jealously. That doesn't mean that if the people care enough that change can't happen.

Government today has turned into the largest corrupt organisation on your planet. The people know this well, but nothing is done. No revolutions occur, because it would interfere too much with people's daily lives. Too many people don't care enough about the outcome, more focused on the journey. At the moment, it seems to be between Labour and the Conservatives, and everyone knows neither side is any good. This has been proven by both over the years. Still, there are no signs that people will mass vote some other party in, or refuse to vote at all.

Of course, certain things annoy certain people far more than others. This creates its own problems, since small groups of people can't accomplish as much as one huge group. With so many conflicting agendas, it's no wonder humanity can't solve its problems. If people's primary concern was the development and evolution of humanity that would solve a lot of it. Of course, it's not, and the Earth is suffering the consequences of a dominant species not caring about their own futures. Eventually the problem will be solved, one way or another.

If this continues for much longer, on the day that your news services announce the ability to travel to other star systems the brightest amongst you would do well to prepare to find another planet to live on.

Well, hating your soul is a vicious circle. If you hate yourself, you're not going to be happy. You have to change the feelings before you can change the physical experience, not the other way around. That's just the way it works unfortunately, if you hate yourself you're going to make life worse for yourself. Just logic really...

It is nice to see you're finally able to push Damien away from yourself, which shows Jacks been a good influence on you. His walls are collapsing around him, and it's probably best if you don't get hit by the rubble. Your story about getting burned is also a good example of how a situation that looks completely negative has a positive outcome. If you focus on that part of things, you won't be doing badly.

-----Original Message-----

From: Complaints Department [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]
Sent: 05 August 2008 11:27
To: God
Subject: FW: Pain, Politics and Pointlessness

Great, so watching someone in the shower is deserving of a painful execution according to you...

Well, I have to say your life at the moment is getting pretty crazy. You love Jack who's dying but Damien loves you but impregnates someone else and has a chav on the side. Mother died in a car accident and Father pays no attention to you. Sounds like a human soap opera. Your soul must have liked EastEnders in a previous life, which maybe explains its attitude now.

Oh no, you're the one who got me to go see the kids, it just so happened that Camael was on the list so I'm not taking the blame for that. Still, it should be a lesson to you in the future, namely:

Be grateful for what you got, because in the end, I'm amazing!

Love, light and medical experiments,

Signature - There'll be time for explanations later. And hopefully, some sex!

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

To: God

Re: Pain, Politics and Pointlessness

What’s the point of me doing anything if nothing really matters? If it’s all pointless, then why shouldn’t I just sit in my room for the rest of my life and only leave to eat or go to the bathroom? I’ve lived that way before. Can’t say I really enjoyed it but if it doesn’t make any difference to anything, what’s the point? Nobody else cares if I were to waste my life, not even you. Damn, I miss my religion. I miss the good old days where things had a point to them.

Heh, that’s a nice system. Letting people get what they’re worth, rather than people doing hardly anything for huge amounts of money while the rest of the world work like mad for practically nothing. It’ll never happen though. The only people who have the power to implement it are the richest people, and they’re not going to put a system in place which jeopardises their standing at the top.

Politics is just a popularity contest really. It’s not so much about the manifestos of the parties or anything like that most of the time, it’s more about the leaders and their charisma. The next general election could be anyone’s guess though. I think people will just be happy to vote for anyone whose name isn’t Gordon Brown. All the promises they make prior to elections turn out to be lies anyway. They say things, but it all gets forgotten about when they get into power.

People not voting is just a sign of how bad this country is – there’s nobody worth voting for. I’d love to see the day when we have a general election and nobody voted at all. What would they do? I know I’m probably not going to be voting when the time comes. Nobody worth voting for. I’d rather vote for someone I actually wanted in power, rather than the lesser of several evils.

I can see your point about everyone voting, but it depends on what you mean by ‘country’, like the people, or the economy, or so many different other things. At the moment, everyone just seems to be up in arms about everything. I struggle to think of something political in the news recently that’s actually been a good thing. I know there are people who would abuse the system, but there would also be a lot of people who would take it seriously. I don’t know, maybe still have a government who decide on new things, but have the public vote on certain issues, or maybe have each issue voted on by a separate group of voters who know their stuff or those the given laws will actually affect. At the moment, the government just seem to be pushing through laws that’ll make them money and forget everything else. That’s why they never do anything about the NHS or things like that, because the NHS doesn’t make money. That’s all people are worried about! There’s more to life than that. Money doesn’t buy you happiness. I’ve lived a lot of my life without money or other people, and I know which one I’d rather have.

Yeah, that’s why I hate my sick, sadistic soul. It’s chosen to make me experience this life. You can say my soul is me and by saying that it means I hate myself, but in the end, my soul’s making all this happen, therefore, I hate it.

I was expecting to be really upset this week again with Jack not here, but I’ve just been bored out of my mind. I swear, when he comes back, he can take me wherever he likes. I still don’t really know where he’s planning on taking me when he comes back, but I have got a few steps closer. I tried to get it out of Emily who spent all day Saturday braiding my hair (now she’s finished school for the summer, she wanted someone to play with. She misses Jack so much, just like I do), but she doesn’t know, whereas I know Jack’s mum knows because she says Jack asked her permission, and made her promise not to tell me. It’s been driving me nuts all week.

It was a pretty uneventful week with Jack not here up until yesterday. I was making coffee for myself yesterday morning, picked up the kettle to pour it into the mug and my hand slipped and I got a nice and painful second degree burn out of it from about half way between my elbow and wrist on my left arm down to the middle of the back of my hand. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever felt. I had to go to hospital (in the ambulance and all) and now my left arm is all bandaged up. It’s getting really hard to do things one handed. It’s all sticky and red and gross underneath the bandage and I just want to scratch it so badly but know I can’t, because the nurse said if I do I’ll either end up with really bad scarring or it’ll get infected, which I obviously don’t want. I had a big blister come up right along the underside of my arm, and it popped today, and it really hurts.

It was almost like fate had made me burn myself though, because it put me in the same hospital that Jack was in. I went and found him. He was so happy to see me, even though he said he didn’t want me to see him like that. I understand his point. It was horrible to see him so weak and helpless and not his usual happy self. I just sat there with him pretty much all day. We hardly said anything to each other all day, but I didn’t want to leave Jack and I think he was happier knowing I was there, even though he slept most of the time. Because he’s allergic to the anti-sickness drugs, they just give him drugs to make him sleep, so that he won’t feel it as much. He did manage to tell me I should probably start packing my suitcase when I got home though, so I know now we’re going somewhere and won’t be coming back for a while. It’s wound me up even more now because there are more possibilities for me to wonder about which I didn’t think were there before. I’d missed the last bus home by the time they kicked me out because visiting hours were over. It was pouring with rain outside, and I know I really should have called someone to pick me up, and I didn’t have enough money for a taxi, so it would have had to have been either Dad or Damien. In the end, I walked home the three miles in the pouring rain. One of the last things they said to me when they bandaged me was that I shouldn’t get it too wet. Well, that kind of went out the window. Whoops.

I might have caved in and phoned Damien if it hadn’t been for what he said to me on Friday. He phoned me and I actually answered it, because I was that bored I needed the entertainment. I actually managed to hold a decent conversation with him without the shouting or crying that generally seems to come whenever I talk with him. He wanted my advice. Michelle’s found out about his other girlfriend (called Kirsty, apparently) and after they had a long argument, Michelle says she’ll leave Damien if he doesn’t marry her. Damien told me “I don’t love Michelle, I love you”. I told him it was too late, I have another boyfriend now (him being half way to death in hospital is completely irrelevant as far as Damien’s concerned, so I didn’t bother telling him), and he shouldn’t marry someone he doesn’t love. He knows that, but he says he doesn’t want to leave her with his baby and he’s worried what Michelle will do if he says no. I told him it’s all his own fault – he’s made his bed, now he’s got to lie in it. He seemed really upset, but he’s brought this upon himself. I can’t believe he never expected it to happen.

Gabriel, you have no idea how much that’s made my day. I asked Camael to hit you but never thought she’d actually do it. I hope you know what that was for. Let’s just say we’re even now. You totally deserved that. Don’t take it out on Camael though, it’ll make me feel really bad.

Nice to hear you had a good time while you were gone, because I know I haven’t. Trust you to leave me with Camael during the by far most upsetting and depressing thing to happen to me in a long time.


To: Poppy

Re: Playing the Game

Well that's exactly it. Nothing you do truly matters, at least universally speaking. So the only thing that matters is the importance you assign to what you do. Still, the universe is basically like a computer game. You work your way through it the best way you can, and afterwards, win or lose you get asked "Play again?". Of course, it's not the end that matters but the here and now, which is why you're there in the first place. This is also what happens to those who are said to be 'enlightened', if they truly are, death follows them quite quickly.

People on your planet often say the old ways are the best. Speaking in matters of commerce, they're dead wrong. Of course, sharing resources 'freely' doesn't work either, your history has proven that. You could make good use of your technology to create a system of job ratings. Rather than have an amount of currency, you could have a rating (say, between 0 and 100) for each job, maybe including one for those in education as well. A rating could be fixed or variable, depending on the job. For example, a fire-fighter might have a fixed rating, since each one does essentially the same job. However, a singer might have a variable one, which changes depending on how many people download their music, and how they rate it, how many times they play it etc. This would make all music free, while allowing the singer to improve their life by creating it, so long as it's good. So there would be far more emphasis on making quality music that people will like, rather than a couple of good songs and fillers for the rest. Of course, the same idea applies to virtually everything that people make. The system as a whole would have the added benefit of allowing complete control over exactly how well off (or not) someone could be. It could eliminate homelessness very quickly.

One problem is, as stated before, that too few people care enough. Another of course, is that despite the protests, not everyone agreed with them. A fair amount of people wanted to see Saddam Hussein removed from power, regardless of the WMD rumour. If the people cared enough about it, they'd force the government from power, but your present government has remained in power since 1997. One big problem people face of course, is who to replace them with? The fact that there is no political party which commands trust from the public has led to a mass of voter apathy, which could in itself cause problems. How could a party claim to be speaking the will of the people if they were only elected by say 10% of the populace?

In the ideal situation, everyone would vote on every issue. It would take a lot of setting up, but it could be done. Of course, most people are below the average intelligence threshold and generally out for themselves, so one feels compelled to ask whether this would actually work to the countries benefit? Already you have people voting on issues they are simply not qualified to vote on, the most obvious of which apply to those laws on scientific and medical issues.

I will not directly interfere on the choices of your souls. Yours has chosen to experience this, even if you do not know it consciously. This is why people who are more in touch with their souls tend to be happier, not because things are physically any different, but because they know it all works out in the end.

The truth is, it doesn't matter. As long as souls are having new experiences we are improving ourselves, we are experiencing ourselves. We lose ourselves in the experience so we can experience the intricacies of relationships (to each other and all things).

-----Original Message-----

From: Complaints Department [mailto:Address removed by anti spam software]
Sent: 31 July 2008 12:19
To: God
Subject: FW: Illusion and Power

Well that was interesting...

I was just getting ready to come back in a perfectly dignified way (I mean ok I was naked but the culture I was with never came up with the idea of clothing) through the soul tunnel, when something unusual happened. Just as I opened the tunnel, a great big fist came out about 3 times as big as me and smacked me in the head. My head came off my body, flew almost a mile away and survived for nearly 5 minutes Earth time before dying. Remind me to punish Camael when I have some time.

Still, other than that everything went pretty well! I met (read slept with) a lot of people, and most of my children are doing pretty well. Well they are now, since I had to solve a few problems for them. Anyway, a few abductions/threats/rapes later and I think it's all good.

By the way, that saying, that less is more. Total rubbish. You 'always' have to want more for it ever to be enough!

Love, light and medical experiments,

Signature - There'll be time for explanations later. And hopefully, some sex!