To: God
Re: Pain, Politics and Pointlessness
What’s the point of me doing anything if nothing really matters? If it’s all pointless, then why shouldn’t I just sit in my room for the rest of my life and only leave to eat or go to the bathroom? I’ve lived that way before. Can’t say I really enjoyed it but if it doesn’t make any difference to anything, what’s the point? Nobody else cares if I were to waste my life, not even you. Damn, I miss my religion. I miss the good old days where things had a point to them.
Heh, that’s a nice system. Letting people get what they’re worth, rather than people doing hardly anything for huge amounts of money while the rest of the world work like mad for practically nothing. It’ll never happen though. The only people who have the power to implement it are the richest people, and they’re not going to put a system in place which jeopardises their standing at the top.
Politics is just a popularity contest really. It’s not so much about the manifestos of the parties or anything like that most of the time, it’s more about the leaders and their charisma. The next general election could be anyone’s guess though. I think people will just be happy to vote for anyone whose name isn’t Gordon Brown. All the promises they make prior to elections turn out to be lies anyway. They say things, but it all gets forgotten about when they get into power.
People not voting is just a sign of how bad this country is – there’s nobody worth voting for. I’d love to see the day when we have a general election and nobody voted at all. What would they do? I know I’m probably not going to be voting when the time comes. Nobody worth voting for. I’d rather vote for someone I actually wanted in power, rather than the lesser of several evils.
I can see your point about everyone voting, but it depends on what you mean by ‘country’, like the people, or the economy, or so many different other things. At the moment, everyone just seems to be up in arms about everything. I struggle to think of something political in the news recently that’s actually been a good thing. I know there are people who would abuse the system, but there would also be a lot of people who would take it seriously. I don’t know, maybe still have a government who decide on new things, but have the public vote on certain issues, or maybe have each issue voted on by a separate group of voters who know their stuff or those the given laws will actually affect. At the moment, the government just seem to be pushing through laws that’ll make them money and forget everything else. That’s why they never do anything about the NHS or things like that, because the NHS doesn’t make money. That’s all people are worried about! There’s more to life than that. Money doesn’t buy you happiness. I’ve lived a lot of my life without money or other people, and I know which one I’d rather have.
Yeah, that’s why I hate my sick, sadistic soul. It’s chosen to make me experience this life. You can say my soul is me and by saying that it means I hate myself, but in the end, my soul’s making all this happen, therefore, I hate it.
I was expecting to be really upset this week again with Jack not here, but I’ve just been bored out of my mind. I swear, when he comes back, he can take me wherever he likes. I still don’t really know where he’s planning on taking me when he comes back, but I have got a few steps closer. I tried to get it out of Emily who spent all day Saturday braiding my hair (now she’s finished school for the summer, she wanted someone to play with. She misses Jack so much, just like I do), but she doesn’t know, whereas I know Jack’s mum knows because she says Jack asked her permission, and made her promise not to tell me. It’s been driving me nuts all week.
It was a pretty uneventful week with Jack not here up until yesterday. I was making coffee for myself yesterday morning, picked up the kettle to pour it into the mug and my hand slipped and I got a nice and painful second degree burn out of it from about half way between my elbow and wrist on my left arm down to the middle of the back of my hand. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever felt. I had to go to hospital (in the ambulance and all) and now my left arm is all bandaged up. It’s getting really hard to do things one handed. It’s all sticky and red and gross underneath the bandage and I just want to scratch it so badly but know I can’t, because the nurse said if I do I’ll either end up with really bad scarring or it’ll get infected, which I obviously don’t want. I had a big blister come up right along the underside of my arm, and it popped today, and it really hurts.
It was almost like fate had made me burn myself though, because it put me in the same hospital that Jack was in. I went and found him. He was so happy to see me, even though he said he didn’t want me to see him like that. I understand his point. It was horrible to see him so weak and helpless and not his usual happy self. I just sat there with him pretty much all day. We hardly said anything to each other all day, but I didn’t want to leave Jack and I think he was happier knowing I was there, even though he slept most of the time. Because he’s allergic to the anti-sickness drugs, they just give him drugs to make him sleep, so that he won’t feel it as much. He did manage to tell me I should probably start packing my suitcase when I got home though, so I know now we’re going somewhere and won’t be coming back for a while. It’s wound me up even more now because there are more possibilities for me to wonder about which I didn’t think were there before. I’d missed the last bus home by the time they kicked me out because visiting hours were over. It was pouring with rain outside, and I know I really should have called someone to pick me up, and I didn’t have enough money for a taxi, so it would have had to have been either Dad or Damien. In the end, I walked home the three miles in the pouring rain. One of the last things they said to me when they bandaged me was that I shouldn’t get it too wet. Well, that kind of went out the window. Whoops.
I might have caved in and phoned Damien if it hadn’t been for what he said to me on Friday. He phoned me and I actually answered it, because I was that bored I needed the entertainment. I actually managed to hold a decent conversation with him without the shouting or crying that generally seems to come whenever I talk with him. He wanted my advice. Michelle’s found out about his other girlfriend (called Kirsty, apparently) and after they had a long argument, Michelle says she’ll leave Damien if he doesn’t marry her. Damien told me “I don’t love Michelle, I love you”. I told him it was too late, I have another boyfriend now (him being half way to death in hospital is completely irrelevant as far as Damien’s concerned, so I didn’t bother telling him), and he shouldn’t marry someone he doesn’t love. He knows that, but he says he doesn’t want to leave her with his baby and he’s worried what Michelle will do if he says no. I told him it’s all his own fault – he’s made his bed, now he’s got to lie in it. He seemed really upset, but he’s brought this upon himself. I can’t believe he never expected it to happen.
Gabriel, you have no idea how much that’s made my day. I asked Camael to hit you but never thought she’d actually do it. I hope you know what that was for. Let’s just say we’re even now. You totally deserved that. Don’t take it out on Camael though, it’ll make me feel really bad.
Nice to hear you had a good time while you were gone, because I know I haven’t. Trust you to leave me with Camael during the by far most upsetting and depressing thing to happen to me in a long time.
-Poppy
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